Monday, March 22, 2010

Shattered

If you’re bald ...stop reading right now because this post won’t interest you.

I feel compelled to pour out my gut wrenching sorrow. In Writing. To The World. I’m sure someone somewhere will identify with my pain.

This week, I’m back in the saddle. Raring to go. I’m whipping through my “To Do” lists like you wouldn’t believe. Monday I dealt with the insurance company, made a specialist appointment, went to the library, and worked a full day. And that was before 10 am. Next thing on my list was to arrange a wax and haircut.

I should have had a haircut two weeks ago because I look like a woolly mammoth and can barely see through my fringe. In fact my fringe is currently merging with my upper lip hair. That would be attractive perhaps if my name was Boris-ina or I was the bearded lady at the circus.  

Everyone who works at my hair salon is perky , pretty and coincidentally has perfect hair. My hairdresser Megan is the goddess of hair. For a princely sum she can make you look like you just spent three hours and a princely sum getting your hair done. I walk out of there feeling gorgeous. It’s a fair trade, although Mr. P goes pale and breaks out in a sweat every time I announce I have an appointment. Nobody touches me except for Megan. This is the rule. Everybody knows this. Yes I’m the crazy cat lady of the hair world.

Anyway...I called the hair salon. (All names have been changed to protect the innocent) B answers. And when I tell her I look like a woolly mammoth and am desperately in need of  a haircut and I beg her to book me in with Megan for TOMORROW (with the emphasis on TOMORROW so she can tell how desperate I really am ) and I pause for dramatic effect , she pauses too. Or she might have been waiting to get a word in. Whatever.

And B informs me Megan has left.

Now, I don’t know. Maybe Megan has been sniffing the hair toner or they found her shooting up peroxide and they had to let her go. I couldn't care less. So what if she’s a jumped up addict? She is the GODDESS of my hair for crying out loud. She can’t be gone!

In that moment, I felt a loss so profound, so deep, that I almost started to cry. Never again will my locks look gorgeous. Never again will I find someone who can transform a woolly mammoth into a beautiful swan. Never again will Megan think the fact I want pink and purple hair as a protest about becoming a grandmother, cute and completely righteous. And not juvenile in the slightest.

And in this moment of pain and suffering and loss and grief, the best I could say to B was “Well, that sucks”.

Years of university education and a prolific command of the English language was reduced to those three words. WELL THAT SUCKS.

Man, I hope someone uses that as my Eulogy someday.





P.S. I lost 3 kilos by shaving my legs yesterday. Better than going to Weight Watchers. I cannot wait to get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed and lose another kilo or so.

I wanna know ...do any bald people read my blog and did you read this post?

And Nerida, I know if you’re reading,  you’ll understand if I’m in a bad mood on Wednesday. Someone called Jody is cutting my hair tomorrow.

21 comments:

A Garden of Threads said...

Thank you for the morning chuckle...I hope the new stylist works out for you,keep us posted on how well she does.

Sarcastic Quilter said...

First, I love that you have a tag "whining". LOL I just noticed that.

As for your hair, well, good luck. I tend to live in ponytails for this reason.

Frances said...

In my local area when a hairstylist changes salons, she puts an ad (with a photo of herself) informing clients where she now can be found.

Marg said...

Oooh damn, I made sure mine had my phone number, and I had hers. She rang me when she left the salon, to tell me where she was working now. Sorry that that piece of information is of absolutely no use what so ever to you today, but keep it in mind for future reference. Go and make some Moose Milk that will make you forget your woes.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

That happened to me once. I hate that. That does suck! Good luck with Jody. Or to her, maybe I should say.

Brenda said...

I HATE that. It also sucks to move to another state after you have finally found the love of your hair's life.

quiltfool said...

This bald man did indeed read your post, including the small print. When I had enough hair to matter, I spent a lot of time and money on it trying to make it look like more than it was. So, I feel your pain. Lane

Lisa said...

So sorry about that, it must be frustrating! Breanna decided to be her own hair stylist and cut up quite a mess a couple months ago. My pain then was probably similar to yours now.... I can't comb it to look descent!!

Audra said...

I feel your pain my blogging sistah! I have had this happen to me not once, twice but Three TIMES! I find a hair mistress, a follicle Goddess and she leaves. It's worse than a break up...my heart will mend, my hair...no! I am still searching for a hair stylist to bond with...to have beautiful, shiny hair with...but no such luck. That is why I am rockin' the Jesus hair...parted down the middle...long and no style.

Keeping the digits crossed that Jodi will be an potential hair Goddess replacement or at least she doesn't leave you with a hot mess of hair!

Thank you for the kind words...last couple of weeks were heart wrenching. Going to clean house and catch up on some movies. I need some me time.

ttfn.

Deb said...

Bugger, thats one of the worse things to happen to us women. I went through a stage where I would only let gay guys cut my hair as they never got pregnant or left the salon, until of course they fell out of love with their boyfriends and got terribly depressed and left the salon!!! So now I go to the little salon round the road, its cheap, the girl who cuts my hair is only 25 so she's bound to leave at some stage but I have sussed the other girls out and keep my eye on them and would be okay with them cutting too. But boy that really does p me of when they leave, who the heck do they think they are. And you pay so much these days for a hair cut too, whats with that.....
Deb

Rainey said...

Condolences. My world was shattered when I was abandoned by my hairdresser when I was 15 years old. My scalp has mourned ever since. It has committment issues now, and has been heard to mutter things like 'lets take this slow' and 'its not you, its me'.

I love that you called yourself a crazy cat lady!

AnnieO said...

Fear and loathing before going to a hair appointment...I don't envy you! Luckily my hairstylist can never abandon me as she is my daughter. She is a whiz with color and has a "hair dryer arm" to beat most gym rats. And she owes me $9000 in hair treatments. I just got a Brazilian Blowout last month.

Good luck with your new stylist.

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

UPDATE: The Jody thing aint gonna work out people.

She's wandering off to have a baby in about 8 weeks. The cheek of it all!

Plus I wasn't ecstatic about my haircut. And she didn't have an awesome sparkling personality. I wasn't feelin' the lurve. Sigh.

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

Marg, I just re-google Alcoholic Mosse Milk...until now I thought you were talking about actual Moose Milk. I'm up for the kind you're talking about !

Annie, I always wanted a hairdresser in our family. By the way a Brazilian over here is a completely different kind of thing which actually has to do with having no hair (enough said I think)

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

see how excited I was...google intstead of googled and Mosse Milk instead of Moose Milk.

Alright!! I confess I had a couple of Moose Milks before I commented.

Marg said...

Ye of little faith. I do recall someone calling me evil a couple of days ago, it's probably a fair call after letting you in on that little secret. It's definitely not on Jenny Craig, or the WW points plan, unless you are trying to break an all time record of most points consumed in one day.

deb said...

I soooooo feel your pain!!!!

Leslie said...

The "princely sum" line totally cracked me up!

Oh my, I thank GOD my sister and four of my cousins are hair stylists! Now only if they didn't live 2 1/2 hours away!

GREAT post! Sorry Jodi won't work out ;(

The Flabby Ninja said...

That was great!! I was sent over by the Chicken Lady and it was a visit well spent. I too am a hair Nazi. We moved to the country after living all of my 32 years as a city girl and it took me ions to find someone who even knew what an inverted bob was. So now, her and I are BFF's, partly because she is awesome and partly because she has really sharp scissors and can f**K up my day with a bad haircut. I feel your pain, and enjoyed the read :)

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

Yes Marg because you can see that my weight is a primary concern to me. If its bad I'll eat it. "Bad" is the 6th food group and I eat almost exclusively from this food group.

Marg said...

Snap