Friday, March 12, 2010

Blog Surfing and Desperate Insecurity

Not sure where I'm going with this post. It's been rattling round inside my head for a week. I'm pretty sure I'm going to offend someone,  somewhere. (probably with my comment about religion down the page -paragraph 5 in case you want to skip straight there  ) And why I would choose to post this today, on a  mere four hours sleep,  with a hacking cough and dribbly nose has got me whacked. (Green isn't good right?)  But I'm going to do it anyway. This is my year of living dangerously. 

I've been looking at profiles a lot this week  in the hope of finding like minded people  and widening my blog circle, and being further inspired by the amazingness of others. Plus I'm nosy and like to live vicariously through the lives of people I've never even met. It's a large www out there people and I want to sample more of it. I owe it to myself.  You guys inspire me so much more than you realise. I have an idea of what each  of you  is like from what you choose to share through your own posts and comments. You're all lovely by the way.   

What I'm left with after peeking at people's profiles  is the thought it's pretty hard to bring your personality across in the small space they give you to list your interests which is all they show when you're looking at profiles. Which means people like me have to actually go to your blog and read some of it to decide whether we're likely to be kindred spirits. I have a four post rule to decide whether I want to come back for dessert and other meals at your place.  If one of the 4 posts  rocks my socks -I'm going to be eating at your joint on a regular basis.  You might be funny, you might be creative, you might like to poke fun at yourself, you might have a warped slant on something or we might share a common interest. Sometimes I stretch it to 5 , or 6 or 7 posts even. I'm giving you a fair shake. If we don't connect - no hard feelings. It doesn't mean you have nothing worthwhile to say . It just means I'm not feelin' the love. And it's quite likely if you read my blog you'd feel the same way.  

I'm not professing to being the Queen of Exciting Blog Posts. Hardly.   That's not my point. I have exactly 8 followers and a few pop ins who are following me privately. ( I know you are - don't pretend you aren't- you know who you are)  It's not like I'm Mrs Popularity. Or that anything I have to say is going to change the world. Or that I'm inspiring millions like that bitch Bakerella. (I'm sorry Bakerella - I'm just kidding - I totally LOVE your site- I just have baking envy and a short attention span when it comes to  fiddly shit )

Going by the interests of people I have scanned of late  I have to ask does everyone in America home school? And I'm guessing Sunday morning when everyone is in church is a good time to go shopping with the twenty  other people on blogger  who don't attend worship?  Not trying to inflame here - Just saying.  And if everyone on blogger is so into their families, why is there so much angst at family Christmas lunch? Am I the only freaking person on the planet that doesn't knit underwear for the homeless? Profile surfing is making me feel completely inadequate. There are so many things I don't do. That cuts down my "connection" opportunities significantly.
And then I got to thinking ( for the first time ever ) how I might come across on my blog posts and in my own profile...what if people think I'm a boring self obsessed whack job? Are people out there thinking "I can't believe that weird Aussie chick wrote "salt and vinegar chips" as an interest. No way I'm looking at her blog" .  Or worse still "Is this woman on crack? Nothing she posts makes sense" . I can imagine people all over the blogisphere invoking a one post rule with my blog.

Do I come across as weird? I don't feel like I do, but when you're weird you actually think everyone else is and you're the only sane one don't you? Clearly I am desperately insecure. The more I read profiles the more insecure I'm becoming.
The funny thing is that I used to really watch what I wrote on my blog. Go back and read some of my early posts - none of my personality in them at all and nobody was reading either. Go on, off you go , read them , I'll wait................

A few months back, I started thinking about why I was scared to be me on my blog. It was because I wanted to be liked. I didn't want to upset anyone. I didn't want to post something offensive.   Even in Blogland, I want to be liked. Blog land is a lot like High School. I want to fit in. I want to be popular. I want to wear the right kind of jeans and have perfect Pat Benatar hair. I wish my freckles would fade away, methaphorically speaking. The thing is in real life people either like me or they dont. And I'm fine with that. Why is Blogland any different? So I started posting like I talk in RL. And all of a sudden people started  reading. 

Like High school, you can't fake it in blogland. Some peeps gonna be yo friends and some not. You're going to have the pretty girl with loads of friends, the jock  and the geeks who generally aren't aware they're geeks. Then you have the people like me, that are middle of the road, and are never going to set the earth on fire , but are appreciated in their own little circle.  Now that I've surfed round for a while and  havent found anyone I want to make new  friends with right now, I'm happy in my own little clique.

So, thanks for being in ma' posse.   

26 comments:

Deb said...

Don't stop blogging. I love your posts. You are honest and yourself. Thats exactly what you shold be. Heck don't blog for other people ever, blog for you cause I know thats what I come to read. I Know when I blog its like talking and god help anyone who has to listen to me, its like a train rolling on by. I'm sure people think , what on earth but hell like me or lump me. There is nothing more refreshing than a person who says what they think but thats my opinion and hell if you put a smile on my face I don't care.
Deb

Mistea said...

Blogging has lots of purposes I believe and it is a place where your personality can shine. If you enjoy writing it then the readers will get the message - I don't think I have read one of your posts without a good giggle, wish my writing was half as entertaining.
Continue to write and entertain while it suits you. Have a good weekend.

Marg said...

No definitely not weird to me, but does that make me weird too??? I agree the more posts I read I think there are two kinds of humans, superhumans and us!!!! I don't home school, design and make stuff for an etsy shop, I don't cook 3 meals a day plus bake cupcakes, take perfect photographs of what I have cooked (see my previous posts) and blog about it. I don't sew, quilt, knit and crochet all at the same time. I don't tablescape, and I definitely don't knit underwear for the homeless. I am overweight, completely disorganised, divorced and pretty damn happy. I love reading your blog, don't change, you are great the way you are, and every morning I get up and think wouldn't it be good to stay in my pj's all day!!!!

Quilting Queen said...

Weird is as weird does...sorry you don't fit the category...your personality shines through and it is a marvelous one. You are funny, witty and I for one enjoy reading your blog. Keep on keeping on.

Brenda said...

I love your "4 post rule", that's a great idea. I love your blog, and I thought it was very insightful of you to "notice" that when you started blogging, your REAL personality didn't really come through. I wonder if my blog is the same? I'll have to go back a re-read some 'old' stuff. (Salt and Vinegar chips - he he he) Keep blogging my friend.

Leslie said...

Ohmygosh, I cannot BELIEVE you don't knit underwear for the homeless. I'm disgusted!

But I'll forgive your non-underware quilting self because you love salt & vinegar chips. And only truly funny, cool, awesome and popular girls like salt & vinegar chips. Like me! ;) (I was actually called, out loud, a "nobody" in school. "Who, Leslie? She's a nobody." That's an exact quote from 8th grade. I bet my kids are cuter than hers now. HA.

The American public school system is a, for lack of a better description, machine that wants to teach sound bites and force ideals rather than simply teach facts. I ain't sendin' my kids to it either. Homeschooling for us. (Having a hard to explaining this to the father-in-law who is a public school teacher. He he he he he he).

Anyway, I get SO excited for your posts. They make me laugh out loud. And, I've saved a photo of one of your quilts on my computer, emailed it to myself for back up, and emailed it to my husband. I'm going to copy it when my mother-in-law teaches me to quilt, because it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I love how you decide to follow people, with 4 posts... that's awesome!

Alright, miss Aussie, that's all for now. Post again today so I have something to read at work ;)

L

quiltfool said...

You've got me as a reader. I love your blog. And, I like being in your posse. And, I shop on Sunday morning between 10 and 12 because that's when all the cool people are there but after the hungover people have gone back to bed. I'm wierd. I freely admit it and like other people to be a little wierd too. I'm the geek who doesn't know it.

I got ya' back! And, I love the 4 post rule. Lane

lw said...

Weird? No. Funny and honest, yes! I really enjoy your blog. I particularly like the cooking chocolate post and the use of the smaller font when you disclosed it. Made me laugh!

About one out of every 10 of my neighbors home-schools (I live in Torrance, which is a suburb of Los Angeles.) The main two reason are 1. the poor quality of education in the California schools (we're almost 50th out of 50 states) and 2. not wanting the kiddies to hear a word about evolution or secular humanism.

The results are mixed-- some of the home-schools are doing great-- one is at Oxford and some not so great-- functionally illiterate and innumerate. In the main, they do better than the main stream kids, but when they fail, they fail spectacularly.

Now I'm wondering if I'm weird because salt and vinegar chips as an interest made perfect sense to me...

Anonymous said...

I came to your blog from someone else's blog, sorry I forget who. I loved the name of your blog, because I'll spend days at a time not getting out of my PJ's into regular clothes. I'm not a blogger, just a blog lurker. So far I enjoy your blog. Keep up the good work - makes my day. Thank you.

Lisa said...

No I won't homeschool, but yes it does seem like lots do these days. The socialization is good for kids, and as my husband says- a good wedgie or noogie helps kids realize what way NOT to act! =)
I don't make 3 meals a day plus cupcakes.... well maybe just three batches of cupcakes! =) Yes, that would explain why I am overweight. And the fact that I sit at the sewing machine so often. And there is still lots of snow outside, while people in the lower 48 already have tulips blooming!
I don't sew perfect, I just don't show all the messes! Since I'm a stay-at-home mom, I have lots of chances to sew.... and the house becomes a complete mess while I'm at it.... but at least the kids are having fun! Then every few days we have a massive clean-up-the-house time. The mess bothers me, but it's worht it to be able to sew!
I don't think my profile even says much about me, but the extreme love of quilting should be becoming evident!?!? I used to quilt and sew and knit and crochet and scrapbook and make cards.... then I had more than one child. Decided only time for one craft hobby, and quilting is my favorite, so I cleared out all my other stuff (to make more room for the quilting machine and more fabrics, duh!) =>
Anyway, you often make me laugh, keep up the blogging. To be totally honest I don't care for the profanity, but I ignore it and keep coming back because I like YOU!! =)

Cynthia L. said...

I posted earlier, but it didn't show up. This is more of a test than anything else. But I will throw in there that I love you and your crazy wild life and comments. Don't stop.

Cynthia L. said...

While I was drinking coffee this morning and doing my surf of my fav. blogs, I read your last post and almost spit my coffee out! You are so funny! I am amazed that you didn't know that everyone in America homeschools! I am also amazed that you Aussies don't knit underwear for homeless! Although I homeschooled my daughter, we were NOT like most other homeschoolers. We "unschooled" which is a four letter work to many homeschoolers! Just ask a few! I have also felt like I was "not good enough in the blog world" since I couldn't craft, sew, knit, cook, clean, all before lunch! My child has flown off to college and I still can't get things accomplished! I used to blame her and her schedule, but I can't do that anymore! You have inspired me to be myself more when it comes to my blogging. I swear I will let my crazy, angry, funny, sad, side come out in my blog! Thanks girlfriend!

Brenda said...

P.S. Public Schools=FREE BABYSITTING - and as a mother of 5, I was NOT going to pass that up!

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

I am truly humbled by all of your comments on this post. A couple made me a bit teary! Thank you everyone. I'm just trying to be me , and to keep it real, otherwise what's the point?

I am in no way superwoman (ask Mr. P!) but your responses made me feel I could be - just by being me.

Each and every one of you is wonderful!

Kirsten's Cooking said...

1. I echo Brenda's sentiments, but with a little aside, $3000 US taxes a year are not quite free.
2. I think salt and vinegar chips should be listed as an activity.
3. I really need to check out what my blog lists as my activities...don't remember adding any!
4. I think it's more of a lack of courage to share real feelings on the blogosphere. I can tell you with all honesty, my husband has been gone all week and I can't wait to get away from my kids. We have issues in our family, but I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer", so I try to keep things as positive as possible. Plus, just in case my mother-in-law reads my blog,(which she never will, probably) I should try to keep the peace :)
5. I really love your blog and style of writing. Obviously that sentiment is echoed by the number of reader's you've acquired after sharing your true voice.
6. Wasn't high school horrible? I think with the sheer number of people on the WWW, we simply have more potential for making true connections-
Thanks for sharing your life with all of us

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

Kirsten,

I'm so glad you had a look around. Don't be fooled by the title of my lil ole blog. As you've discovered there is actually very little about quilting here at the moment. It's far more about the rantings of a crazy woman.

And I wish I only paid $3000.00 a year to the Australian goverment. My tax bill last year was $11,000 plus all the crummy hidden and state taxes.

Amy said...

Oh yeah. Count me among your posse 'cause I love this post. So honest. Blogland can be a lot like high school but you're not in high school anymore and you can take it or leave it. So leave that part of it and take the good stuff. And there is loads of good stuff. Like the idea that you can be friends with people because you choose to - not because they live next door to you or because their kids are in your kid's class. Common interests. And I personally am not interested in the blogs that are all about the perfect because they are bull$%&*. But it is nice to blog about the nice - because it helps me to remember to look for it. And we're not all in church. Some of us go to temple!

AnnieO said...

I found your blog through someone else's and have come back because I like your warts and all exposure and very funny writing (oh, and sometimes you quilt!). On my blog I keep it fairly light, though I share some of the stress and sadness that happens IRL, and once in a while a rant or two of a humorous nature. While I am not afraid of showing my many imperfections, in quilting, photography, or otherwise, what I don't share is my views on politics, religion, or temper tantrums, though of course I have them! I write what I want and share what I want. It's a wide space, this blogland, room for all. Thanks for being you and sharing your personality. I always have a good time here :)

AMW said...

So, I stumbled upon your blog while blog surfing and linked from somewhere else. Can't even remember where. I took your advice and read 4 of your posts (including this one). And I will absolutely follow it!

When I started blogging, I didn't know what direction I wanted to go. I guess I still don't. I imagine my posts will always be a bit random and irregular. A lot like me!

And not only do I not homeschool, I don't even have kids! Gave up organized religion a few years back, and have a variety of other unorthodox views. That's what makes this great big world so amazingly interesting, right? That we can open our minds to see our other live and not judge?

Keep up the fun blog! I'm tuning in...

Shevvy said...

Blogland is a very strange place to be, you can't edit what you show to the world in the same way in real life. I know I'm still being very one dimensional on my own blog.
I'm still taking my first steps here, but your approach is a lot more fun than some of the stepford wives that seem to be around.

Sarcastic Quilter said...

Posse! I'm in the posse! Although it took me until today to figure out how to officially follow your blog when you didn't have a little sidebar tag for me to clik on. (see how I neatly blamed you there? -wink-) Instead, I just made a mental note to keep coming back and check up on you. :D

Shirleymac said...

I've never read your blog before. I came here via Lane's blog and I have gone back to read your older posts. You are a riot! I'm following you now cause I love anyone who can bring a smile to my day. Love the toilet paper tutorial. and your comments on childbirth make me grateful that I adopted! See you around blogland.

Elizabeth said...

Mrs. P, I gave your blog a one-post rule simply because I loved the one post. I'm a follower :D. I loved what you had to say and posted my own thoughts at my blog here: http://emsewandsew.blogspot.com/2010/03/will-real-me-please-stand-up.html. You're mentioned a couple of times ;). Thanks for making the www a little more interesting.

P.S. My kids go to public school, but unfortunately I won't be shopping with you on Sunday mornings (lol!).

Quilting in My Pyjamas said...

Shirleymac and Elizabeth, Welcome! And thank you for your kind comments. I'm off to check you out !

Shannon said...

I know I come off as a suicidal homicidal Quiltzilla maniac on my blog....ALOT. I'm really not as unhappy and negative every second of every day as I appears. Unfortunately, my life would be happier if I could be satisfied with this lot in life and not crave friends that are able to look beyond my lengthening list of shortcomings, which includes my sad little blog.

Threeundertwo said...

We were supposed to knit underwear for the homeless? I'm dropping all my other projects to start catching up on this.