Look Away Now- Kitchen Update-Nothing to See Here

Forgive me bloggers- it has been two weeks since my last confession update.

We have been doing lots of final organisation-y kind of things and a little work. Things seem to be moving slowly but I guess that's because we haven't done any of the "Oh my goodness what a difference that made" work yet. Replacing your ceilings and pulling up tile doesn't give you the "Wow" factor I'm looking forward to seeing  at the end of this project. Assuming we ever finish. I'm expecting at this point to do an unveil for you all around Christmas. And so , because I don't have anything much to show you, I'm going to show you some of the colours we've picked out.

Walls

Bench tops

Kitchen cabinetry in this colour and style but I picked nicer handles. And I'm not having glass doors because I dont want to have to clean them.

We met with the kitchen designer (sounds impressive doesn't it ) last weekend and were informed that because we have requested some non standard stuff our kitchen components will take at least a week longer to be done than usual.   So we're now looking at an install date of around August 9th which is only 3 weeks away. The old kitchen is being ripped out in 12 days, so we can tile before the new cabinets go in.  Living here is going to be just like camping, which is not usually something I say "Oh goody" at the prospect of. Yeah I'm a princess. If I don't have a place to plug in my GHD as far as I'm concerned you're in the stone age.  So,  if you live close by you might like to take pity on us and invite us over for dinner. Or you  can save the favour for when we do the bathroom and need a shower. Those of you who don't live close- you can send  me dinners via mail.

With the exception of the ceilings and floors and the continual mess,  the kitchen doesn't look all that different at this point. The new ceilings are in. Mr. P did a load of boring putty-ing (I'm sure there is a technical name for this I'm just not interested)  on the ceilings to cover the seams.   This is one of those necessary evil type things. I'll get excited when we have cornices again and the ceiling is painted. And my light fittings are in. And the kitchen is finished.

I have ceilings ! Ugly ceilings...

There are currently  no lights in my kitchen because we are completely changing the configuration of the lighting for this area, which naturally can't go in until we have finished the ceilings   so we've been using a 500 watt halogen to see.  It's awesome because  I get to work on my tan, kill the environment with power usage and stay warm all at the same time. It's like having the Australian summer inside in the middle of winter.   The risk of blindness if I look directly at it is just an added thrill.

We have ordered our floor tiles. I went with an off white Italian ceramic. There are those among you who will tell me I am crazy for going with off white because it will show up all the dirt. Let me tell you it doesn't matter what we get it will show up the dirt, because we have two dogs the size of Shetland ponies who never learned to wipe their feet and I want off white. If you had lived with disgusting chocolate brown floor tiles for the last 8 years you'd want white too.  And just to freak you all right out white tile haters , we got enough to do the entry, hallway and computer room as well. This is them. Rustic and textured.

And this is what we pulled up...(I'm selling them cheap if you're interested)

And this is what my kitchen floors look like right now. Pretty isn't it? I have no idea why it's green. There are floor boards under that muck somewhere. Quick- cover it up with white tile.  I am seriously considering getting someone in to do the tiling at this stage and bugger the cost.

I have no splash back because I pulled it out already and I haven't decided what to replace it with. And I have no range hood either. This is the gorgeousness that is currently my cooking area.

I have ignored all the sanding I have to get done. I started doing something totally unrelated to the kitchen telling myself it's stripping and painting  practice before I tackle those  chairs, and the dresser  ...and the table. I have changed my mind over what to do with the table about 30 times and think I've finally settled on something but I'm not going to say what it is so I can change my mind again later and not look flighty. This is what I have been working on today. I have realised I despise painting which is unfortunate because I have stacks of it left to do.

And after two coats of primer I have this...(Miss Mustard Seed said I had to keep this piece and she knows what she's talking about so I'm making something pretty out of it )

I have worried about whether everything is going to come together. Will the walls match the floors? Will it be too much white ? Am I crazy for trying to match two different styles in one space? Will warm white REALLY go with stark white ? This has been my crazy thought process this week. I am driving myself and everyone around me INSANE. Poor Mr. P. I think he's thinking about the "till death us do part" bit of our marriage vows  a lot this week and not in  a good way.  

I am at a point where I think this is never going to be done, my life will never be normal again, my house will never be clean again , and I will never know where my plates and Tupperware have disappeared to . Conversely I am cacking my daks that I won't have things done before the installers  get here. When I mention the bathroom reno in 6 months can someone slap me in the side of the head and point me towards all my  posts about the kitchen.

Yours sincerely,

Princess whiny-arse.

P.S. I completely get that in the grand scheme of things this is so not a big deal compared to famine, terminal illness and world poverty. However I am a Virgo and we like order and cleanliness and predictability and control and I don't have any of those things at the moment. And Patty, I know you're reading this and all I can say is you'd better bring some good wine and some Valium next weekend. I need both of them.

We Are Not Amused....

Forgive me blog readers for I have been slack...it has been 7 days since my last significant blog post (although you all seemed to like the ironing board cover post ) However posts about chocolate and other cooking do not make my blog a wildly exciting read. It kinda sucks I can’t be scintillating every minute of every day...Although I have noticed that there has been generally a lot less blogging going on than usual across the blogs I follow so maybe we all have the same malady. (And actually I thought we had talked about you Northern hemisphere people not enjoying your spring and leaving me practically postless for my Autumn.  Seems to me the second the sun popped it's head out you were all gone.What's up with that hmnnnnnnnnnnn???)

I'm about to have a rant. I’m really sorry if you feel I'm going on endlessly  about my laundry. I’ve tried so hard not to write this post but not writing it is giving me writers block...seriously. I feel like I can’t be normal again until I get this off my chest. So I would suggest you completely ignore this post, and go about your business...Move along folks..nothing to see here. But if I dont write this - I may never write anything but chocolate and ironing board cover posts again. I have been failing to see the humour in anything for about a week, and it's time to get over it.

It’s been a really busy few days at Maison Pyjamas. In between me acting like a crazy harpy, the laundry is coming along slowly ...oh so freaking slowly. 8 weeks and 2 days people..8 weeks and 2 days since I had a functional laundry. Words fail to describe how sick of being laundry-less I am at this point. I finally cracked when Mr. P had to drag the washing machine in again Friday so I could wash. Like ranting, crazy out of control cracked. After I’d calmed down and stopped frothing at the mouth (no- I don’t have pictures) and using words no lady would use,  Mr. P told me the washing machine can stay in the laundry and remain connected and he’ll just finish the painting around it. The floors should be a breeze... I hear he has hired David Copperfield to levitate the washing machine while he completes the tiling. The idea that I can wash without making an appointment with Mr. P to drag the machine back inside made me one marginally happier camper. I say marginally because I dont think anything but a  finish is going to satisfy me at this stage. I mean , we have 4 people in this house and one of them is a BABY..so I can't wash once a week.  I don't do well with major ongoing changes to my routine. I think I've been pretty damn tolerant.I love to do the washing ( I know I'm a sicko right?) and I hate my house being a mess. What sane person keeps their laundry hamper in their office?  I just want to say, for weeks, I've had no door, I've had no floor, I know I sound like one big bore. I think I'm channeling Dr. Seuss as well.

To be fair , I did change my mind about the floor tiles and we had to go hunting for new “perfect” tiles ..which apparently only exist in my own imagination. Eventually we found something I was happy with , and of course they were the most expensive tiles in the known universe. When the guy told us the price, Mr. P took one look at my face and just whipped out our credit card. So I decided to get off my tushie and start doing my bits of the laundry this past weekend since it looks like we might actually be finished before say,  October.  My big jobs include spray painting the laundry hamper  and painting the back board for the laundry baskets. (You'll understand if  I ever have pictures of a finished laundry to show you )  I want to point out here , I lived on my own for 9 years after Miss P came along and managed to do all my own handywoman work  and paint walls and all sorts of other stuff, but apparently I lost those skills when I sold my soul by moving in with Mr. P  so I've been relegated to wielding a spray can like some frilly girly chick which we all know I am sooooo not. So if I sound peeved its because I am.  And here endeth my rant.

So here I am  spray painting in my pyjamas...Mis je parais beau ?

I know Martha Stewart would have been doing this in Versace with pearls and high heels but I'm not Martha (although in some of the shots Miss Pyjamas took , I have a serious J-Lo butt going on- be thankful I didn't share them-I'm pretty sure she took those ones on purpose-why must our children torture us?) and Martha also wouldnt have ended up with spray paint on her fingernails , up her nose, and in her hair. I wish I was half as perfect.

I taught Miss P how to make awesome scrambled eggs this past weekend so she doesn't starve to death when she moves into her own place. We marked the occasion of her actually cooking by raising the Australian flag and explaining what a frypan was.

I had been on the lookout for  months for an old ornate gilt frame for a project I’ll be doing in the next few months. There was nothing out there ..nada...zip...I gave up and bought a nice large wooden picture frame and planned to use that instead. But today I played hookey from work and went to the salvage yards and on my way back I went to Goodwill and saw this....

I was on it like a seagull on a chip...that baby is mine and is perfect for my project. I am so excited, and at 8 bucks it was an absolute steal.  Plus I got some material for cushions I want to make for the loungeroom. Goodwill rocked big time  today.  

Since the universe was being so friendly to me,  I  went and bought this as well...because I saw it 6 months ago and I know if I don’t buy it now it won’t be there when I do want it in 6 months time... my intuition was spot on because this was the last one.

Both  the frame and the clock are for the kitchen renovation that we have planned for later this year...we have been saying for 8 years we are going to get a new kitchen someday, and something else always ends up taking priority . I told Mr. P earlier this year i didn't care if he had to sell a kidney I was getting a new kitchen,  but since I booked the kitchen designer to come this Friday it looks quite likely that it will happen and Mr. P will retain all his organs.

And if you thought my grizzling about the laundry was bad wait until we start the kitchen/dining room  because we're removing a wall and most of our ceilings and all of our floors  when that happens. I'm hoping that will mean we get to eat out a lot. I bet you're all hoping you won't have to listen to me whine about it.

Exhale ...I feel so much better. If you made it this far- and haven't unfollowed me you're a legend. And if this is the only post of mine you've ever  read, for crying out loud go and read some of my funny stuff before you judge me. We have a 4 post rule here you know.

Shattered

If you’re bald ...stop reading right now because this post won’t interest you.

I feel compelled to pour out my gut wrenching sorrow. In Writing. To The World. I’m sure someone somewhere will identify with my pain.

This week, I’m back in the saddle. Raring to go. I’m whipping through my “To Do” lists like you wouldn’t believe. Monday I dealt with the insurance company, made a specialist appointment, went to the library, and worked a full day. And that was before 10 am. Next thing on my list was to arrange a wax and haircut.

I should have had a haircut two weeks ago because I look like a woolly mammoth and can barely see through my fringe. In fact my fringe is currently merging with my upper lip hair. That would be attractive perhaps if my name was Boris-ina or I was the bearded lady at the circus.  

Everyone who works at my hair salon is perky , pretty and coincidentally has perfect hair. My hairdresser Megan is the goddess of hair. For a princely sum she can make you look like you just spent three hours and a princely sum getting your hair done. I walk out of there feeling gorgeous. It’s a fair trade, although Mr. P goes pale and breaks out in a sweat every time I announce I have an appointment. Nobody touches me except for Megan. This is the rule. Everybody knows this. Yes I’m the crazy cat lady of the hair world.

Anyway...I called the hair salon. (All names have been changed to protect the innocent) B answers. And when I tell her I look like a woolly mammoth and am desperately in need of  a haircut and I beg her to book me in with Megan for TOMORROW (with the emphasis on TOMORROW so she can tell how desperate I really am ) and I pause for dramatic effect , she pauses too. Or she might have been waiting to get a word in. Whatever.

And B informs me Megan has left.

Now, I don’t know. Maybe Megan has been sniffing the hair toner or they found her shooting up peroxide and they had to let her go. I couldn't care less. So what if she’s a jumped up addict? She is the GODDESS of my hair for crying out loud. She can’t be gone!

In that moment, I felt a loss so profound, so deep, that I almost started to cry. Never again will my locks look gorgeous. Never again will I find someone who can transform a woolly mammoth into a beautiful swan. Never again will Megan think the fact I want pink and purple hair as a protest about becoming a grandmother, cute and completely righteous. And not juvenile in the slightest.

And in this moment of pain and suffering and loss and grief, the best I could say to B was “Well, that sucks”.

Years of university education and a prolific command of the English language was reduced to those three words. WELL THAT SUCKS.

Man, I hope someone uses that as my Eulogy someday.

P.S. I lost 3 kilos by shaving my legs yesterday. Better than going to Weight Watchers. I cannot wait to get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed and lose another kilo or so.

I wanna know ...do any bald people read my blog and did you read this post?

And Nerida, I know if you’re reading,  you’ll understand if I’m in a bad mood on Wednesday. Someone called Jody is cutting my hair tomorrow.

Pity Party- Table for One Thanks!

Gloria Gaynor sang a great song in the late 1970's about surviving a relationship breakup called "I Will Survive". I'm applying it to surviving this week.  Minor annoyances have felt like major dramas.

So essentially this post is bitching about my week and then I'm going to let it all go. But I'm not just whining-I'm going to come up with solutions to the problems so I can move on. I can't stand grizzling for grizzlings sake!

The devil quilt - what sane person considers taking their quilt and using it as bonfire fuel  -in the middle of fire ban season -on our tinder dry block ? I didnt really think about it seriously - I was more blogging for laughs - but I was pretty peeved about the quilt all the same. And since that quilt is finished why the hell am I still blogging about it?

Solution: Start something new , exciting , gorgeous and get immersed in it's wonderfulness. Not everything I do has to be perfect. (although I'm a Virgo- so it kinda does actually)

The car went in to get fixed yesterday and 24 hours later the powertrain light is back on and the computer is whoop whoop whooping like an aircraft about to crash everytime we turn it on.  This is the third time it's been in and checked out (and we've been charged for it being "fixed".) You can understand my reluctance to go back to get ripped off a fourth time. Just diagnose the problem guys - because your inability to do so  seems to be the actual  problem. Our mechanics are about as sharp as a bucket of nerf darts and as far as I'm concerned they couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery.

Solution: Buy a skateboard to get to and from work. I'm pretty sure that now the devil quilt is finished the car has been possessed.

SA Water- I dont need you reminding me on my bill that my water usage has increased since this time last year. I'm still using about 1/3rd less a day than you consider average. Where was my thankyou when I was using only 1/2 the amount of water you consider to be average for my home? Oh and by the way - my household size has doubled since this time last year - that would be why my water usage has increased 30%. And if my crispy brown front lawn isn't enough of a tip off for you about how serious I am about doing my bit to save water, please feel free to come and suss out my two minute showers (I dare you) where I dart through the shower with a cake of soap and catch all the water in a bucket at my feet so I can use it in my washing machine, then catch it in another bucket and use it to water my plants outside.  

Solution : Turn on all my sprinklers out of spite  and water the lawn while running through the sprinklers having fun like a three year old while holding a cake of soap. The sprinkler run can double as today's shower. Since it's illegal to use sprinklers here I'll probably be arrested. I wont be getting water bills in jail and they'll probably still time my showers.

I feel a lot better now...Thanks for "listening"  if you made it this far.

It's Australia Day next Tuesday, which is like American Independence Day - but with much less fanfare. We tend not to do parades. Actually we throw snags on the barbecue and have the day off work.  Mr. Pyjamas and I have decided to take the opportunity to go away for a few days. While we are away I'll  have an  attitude adjustment, and come back as little Miss Sunshine, instead of the wicked queen from Snow White.

See you all mid next week!