Monday, April 05, 2010

A Modern Day Quilting Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far away  there was a fair princess who was having a baby boy.

The Queen (well,  if my daughter is a princess in this fairy tale, that makes me a Queen! )  on finally accepting then news she was to be a grandmother at such a tender age ( and while she was still a stone cold fox herself) decided to make the baby a special chenille quilt to commemorate his birth which was to be in July. "Plenty of time, after all it's only January  " thought the Queen and began ebaying in a land north of the equator because everyone knows the cutest chenille comes from the Americas, and the exchange rate for coin was at that time extremely favourable.

By March Queen Pyjamas had enough chenille and cut her squares for the babe's quilt. This was in the days before the purchase of a rotary cutter, one of those awesome see-through plastic ruler doo dads,  and a quilting mat and so she did this the old fashioned way with a plastic template , a pen and pair of  manky old scissors which did give her blisters. But persevere she did and eventually all the squares were cut out and ready to be sewn.

On the Easter weekend of 2009, Queen Pyjamas visited her parents for the celebration  and took her chenille squares and sewing machine with her. She did  diligently sew those squares into rows, while listening to the Queen Mother  give helpful and wise verbal  support commesurate with her age and experience,  like "Get that off my dining table", "Do we have to have chenille fluff EVERYWHERE" , and "Don't spread your crap all over the house .Why can't you ever contain yourself to one spot?"

 As everyone knows you must spread your sewing all over the house in order  to convince all of those present  at court that you are really busy and extremely talented. It was unfortunate the Queen Mother did not realise this, as it probably contributed to what happened  next.  

Alas, all did not go well with the sewing of the squares and it turned out that the rows did not match up in the way Q.P.  had originally envisaged. They were decidely askew. Discouraged, she contemplated unpicking the mistakes but settled for letting fly a few choice expletives, packing the wonky rows into plastic bags and vowing to kick that quilt top's arse another day. Then she went off to eat Easter eggs, and drink Japanese Slippers.


Time passed. July was rapidly approaching and so the Queen got out the squares to unpick those pesky rows and reconfigure the quilt in a more visually pleasing pattern. But Alas! Alack! Those squares had been double sewn because the Queen is a Virgo after all, and try as she might - the material would rip and fray but refused to be unpicked. After more swearing, the Queen packed the rows back into their plastic bag prisons, thinking "This child is being born in a place where the temperature never drops below 90 degrees. He won't need it straight away. I'll finish it in time for their visit in September to our cold climate and he will be glad of the quilt's warmth". By that stage, it sounded like a righteous plan because the Queen was utterly fed up with this quilt and was wishing she had never started it in the first place. "Why , oh why didnt I buy this baby some mass produced piece of crap and chuck it in a pretty bag instead?" she lamented.

The young prince is born in July and is christened Little Pyjamas.  The kingdom rejoices. He has the right number of fingers and toes and is pretty darn cute.

And so the quilt bits languish in plastic bags , in a secret spot, not in public view,  to be finished "one day" because sure as God made little green apples, it did not get finished in September. And in the meantime, the Queen got on with other things, and did not speak of the quilt to anyone until January 2010 when it made a sneaky appearance on the "Stuff I Started that May Never Get Finished " list on the sidebar on her blog.

Fast Forward to Easter Weekend 2010. The Queen is at home with the King, who is DIY-ing the laundry. (Yes. Still. No , I don't know if it will every be finished....Shhhhhh, I'm telling a story here ) The Queen has other projects on the boil, but today they hold no allure for her. She is bored, bored, bored.

The Queen has an epiphany. She  races to the secret spot,  grabs her pincushion , threads the machine and starts to pin and sew with vigour.  Two hours later ....

Once it's quilted, we'll live happily (and warmly) ever after.

And the Moral of the Story?  The Queen must be completely bored to contemplate finishing a UFO.

P.S. The  Queen Mother  reads my blog so I better confess she didn't say all those things , except for "Dont spread your crap all over the house", but I had to make someone be the wicked step mother or witch figure in the story. Every fairy tale has one and I felt my tale was lacking.  Sorry Mum and thanks for being my patsy.


Simply UnFlabulous said...

FYI - that was GREAT! I loved the story telling aspect of it, and I too am famous for starting all things well intended, only to have them hidden in plastic bags around the house.

Secondly, that baby boy - oy vey - he is GORGEOUS! If I had a uterus, it would be yearning for another one of my own.

Brenda said...

That is a great story, I especially like your disclaimer about your mum. I can totally relate to be super bored to contemplate a UFO - I have (at least) 12 projects neatly stacked in see-through plastic bins and I don't want to work on ANY of them - on the other hand, my new quilting magazine came in the mail and there is a fabulous quilt in it that I MUST make right away!

TheLab said...

Oh my gosh, this was SO FUN to read! I almost choked on my Dorito's a couple times! That boy is so darling, so sweet, so cute, I want to cuddle him in his nice new quilt!

You absolutely crack me UP. EVERY TIME.


Shirley said...

Loved your story *LOL* The quilt turned out beautifully. Perfect for the prince.. or is that grand prince.

lw said...

Love the story, but what did you do to salvage the unpickable blocks?

Elizabeth said...

I LOVED this fairy tale. What a happy ending. The chenille fabrics are fabulous and Prince Pyjamas is going to love it! Congrats on finishing a beautiful UFO!

Kirsten's Cooking said...

very clever, Mrs P! Your little guy is simply precious...loved the pic-

so, is that two quilts in less than one week?

great job!

AnnieO said...

And soon may we see Little Pyjamas drooling on the no-longer-a-UFO, for the extreme cuteness happy ending? That's one cuddleable (new word!) quilt in charming baby blue :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Queen Pyjamas-Love this story so so much. And the quilt. And the grandbaby. God, littlepj is adorable. Hey, where might one get hold of you outside the blog, like say email? I recommended you for a profile on "Say Anything" but she needs to be able to email you instructions:

Lisa said...

I love that little quilt, and can't wait to see it finished! Looks very soft, and that's what the little ones like best! Yes, good story telling; and I too have to be REALLY motivated to pick up a UFO. Amazing what time does, too, makes you want to try again. Awesome!

Shay said...

Yep. I feel like that monkey is almost off my back. Don't know that it'll get quilted this week, besides work, I have a yukky week coming up. I'm determined to finish this quilt in April!

I staggered the blocks. They were originally going to sit square. It's a bit of a bodge job, but little P wont mind, and once it's bound it'll look a lot better.

Chicken - email me. Email addy is on my profile. Wow...a profile...but I don't have anything to say!

Lisa said...

LOL!! Funny! And the quilt is adorable.

Lisa said...

Oh, and the prince!

A Garden of Threads said...

Great story and the finished UFO is beautiful, can't wait to see it quilted.

Baa-Me Kniits said...

Lovely, in hindsight you must be wondering why you were so upset with the job you were doing? It looks perfect the way it is, must have been the pressure from the Queen Mother??? ;-) Looks so lovely and soft I am sure Little Pyjamas will love it!

Lorraine said...

well done.....what was the epiphany? Always nice to get a finish from somehting that was relegated to plastic bags in the "secret" spot.....btw have you eaten all the choccies from the previous post? ....looks like quite a haul!

vawriter said...

Lovely projects--the quilt and the Prince, both!

And the story was terrific, too!

Shay said...


In July those chocolates will be melted down to make the top for caramel slice. I have no doubt there is no other way they will all be eaten.

Jenny said...

What a fun and happy post! I love the chenille on your adorable quilt top! I love using corduroy but I never thought of chenille. Was it difficult to sew?

I love the way you write, you Stone Cold Fox!

What does that mean anyway? I've heard that so many times and I never "got" it!

Happy Wednesday!