The Pink Dress

Im going to put this out there for anyone who hasn't picked this up through my 663 blog posts and almost 5 years of blogging ...I am not a girly girl.  I am all about having beautiful hair and I wear undies every.single. day. but clothes wise my tastes and lifestyle tend to run more to "smart casual",pyjamas or jeans than dresses or skirts. I don't own a single skirt. I do own two dresses (both of which I actually wear with leggings because that's semi trendy and because I don't have to worry about wearing pantyhose because pantyhose are the invention of the devil) and a ball gown that I've worn once on New Years Eve 2008. I think that might be the last time I wore a dress without leggings underneath....

Part of my dress aversion arises because I don't have the hips for dresses. When they were handing out hips I thought I was standing in the cocktail line and so I accidentally got served twice. I also got in the boob line at least three times but thats neither here or there, unless you were the poor sucker behind me who missed out completely, sorry about that. However today I went dress shopping because I frigging well had to. Grudgingly, and without any pleasure about it at all. 

My nephew is getting married in about 5 weeks. His fiancee is a girly girl, as are her sisters who are organising some of the stuff around the wedding.What do you get when you put all this girly girl stuff in a blender along with pre-wedding festivities like kitchen teas and Hen's night celebrations? You get an invitation that stipulates you have to wear a pink bloody dress to one of those events. And that sucks when you don't own a variety of dresses- let alone a pink one. A pink dress that you will never ever wear again as long as you live. A pink dress that will make you stick out like dog's balls in a room of lithe young things who will be able to rock their pink dresses while you look like a big fat middle aged good year blimp. 

I'm all about making the best of a situation. My plan was to find something demure and non noticeable and cheap (since I was never wearing this darn thing again) and to sit in a corner for the afternoon sipping tea and sucking my guts in.  I imposed a time limit on my shopping (2 hours) and a set amount of shops in which to look (3 maximum) and if I hadn't found something I was coming home and going to this shindig in pink jeans dammit! (Yes I do have a pair of pink jeans)

Sometimes life has a way of surprising you. Just when you think you're on an impossible mission life throws you a bone.  At the very first shop I spied a dress I actually liked and it was the only one left. With trembling hands I sussed out the size tag and almost cried because it was my size. I tried it on still not convinced that I wasn't dreaming and I didn't feel like breaking down and crying when I saw my own reflection in the mirror.  I'll have to shave my legs before I wear it because they look like a Mediterranean mans armpits but I can handle that. They haven't been done since about May so it's probably time anyway.

Behold the perfect dress...(which I already have a matching clutch bag for in my cupboard !!!!!) 

I've decided I WILL wear this again since it's cocktail length and I have a gala dinner coming up in a couple of months and this dress will be very forgiving when its rolled up and chucked in a suitcase for our overseas trip. Serendipity I tell you! 

The best part? It cost me less than a Maccas meal...which means I have plenty of money to go buy me some spanx.