Sunday, May 06, 2012

The Hangover and the I Phone

Yesterday Miss P and I had planned to have a cooking day. Since she didn't get out of bed until nearly lunchtime o'clock and I didn't get my act together to do my grocery shopping until about 1.00pm the idea kind of fell by the way side. By the time I got home, packed the grocery shopping away and made lunches and a menu plan for this week I was shattered. Miss P didn't have a shower until tea time so the whole day was pretty much written off. I traded cooking for quilting instead.  I ended up spending most of the night playing logo quiz with Miss P and planning our attack for an early start on Sunday for Cookfest 2012. 


Mr. P went out last night to celebrate the 40th birthday of twin friends of his. I  elected to stay home because I've met one of the twins once when he came to clean my windows and have never met the other.  My  logical thought process around situations like this are that I have a more significant relationship with the dude who serves me at the supermarket each week and I wouldn't go to his birthday party either.  I don't think Mr. P really gets my attitude to social gatherings because frankly that man would go to the opening of an envelope. 

I offered to drive Mr. P and one of his mates to the celebration but they insisted on taking a taxi so I didn't have to go out in the cold.  Their thoughtfulness was rendered completely pointless 15 minutes later since I got an emergency phone call from Mr. P asking me to come out in the cold to deliver his wallet because he'd left it at home. Yes folks-  it's hard to buy drinks at the pub with no money. Especially if you don't have boobs. 


I think it was creeping close to daylight before Mr. P actually made it home. He came through the door to the delight of the dogs who were sharing the bed with me. Indy tap danced all over the bed in glee(and when 100 pounds of dog is happy and using your bed as trampoline you're bound to get woken up) and Lola, who is definitely short sighted, barked and snarled until she recognised it was Mr. P.  All this kerfuffle was accompanied by the  sounds of Mr. P attempting to be quiet by shouting "Be Quiet-Don't wake Mummy" for at least 3 minutes at the top of his lungs. He then stomped off to the lounge (I'm pretty sure he thought he was tiptoeing )in a vain attempt to pretend he had nothing to do with all the noise and immediately passed out in his chair. He finally made it to bed about 1/4 past 7 and then started making "I'm going to chuck " noises in his sleep. I gave up and got out of bed. 


I decided to spend a couple of hours quilting while I waited for Miss P to rise from the dead. A couple of hours turned into 4 and by that time it was almost lunch'o'clock again. 


At this point I decided brunch was in order and Miss P finally surfaced, serenaded by the smell of cooking bacon. Mr. P staggered out of bed. He took one look at the frying bacon and headed for the toilet. Once he was done he decided it was the perfect time for romance and attempted to kiss me. Blerk- no thanks. He stomped back to bed feeling very sorry for himself after telling me he couldn't recall what time he got home, how he got home, or how he sustained the graze on his wrist. His genius deduction was that he fell over. Move over Sherlock Holmes, there's a new super sleuth in town! Have I ever mentioned that my husband used to be a P.I?


Over brunch Miss P and I planned who would do what with the cooking. I obviously wasn't listening too well because here's how it actually went down.

I collected all the ingredients 



I mixed all the ingredients 


Miss P played with her I Phone 


I cut up a chicken and told Miss P to watch because she was doing the next one 


Miss P ignored me and played with her I Phone some more. 


Miss P had a whinge about how she hates cutting chicken ...

I cut some more chicken 


I put some of the chicken bones in a pot to make some stock 


And drowned the chicken pieces I had just cut in marinade 


While Miss P played with her I Phone a bit more 


I washed the dishes by hand if you don't mind, since the dishwasher was full of dishes getting clean.


while Miss P went and hid in the toilet for a while 


Then I started collecting the ingredients to made Indian meatballs (which are made from the flavours of India not actual Indians ) 


At this point, Mr. P surfaced again to watch the football. Doesn't he look refreshed and healthy and not at all hung over (cough , cough ) 



And then I literally bullied Miss P into helping by confiscating her I Phone and threatening to lose her sim card in the toilet.


Mr. P saw all of 10 minutes of the football before he crashed like a 12 month old baby who has been at Playgroup all morning.


I went shopping for essentials . As of tomorrow Loz and I are going to torture ourselves by not shopping for at least the next month. I had to buy a cow and a bread making machine and some seeds so I can have fresh vegetables. I have no idea what Mr. P or Miss P  did in my absence. I'm assuming it involved something to do with I Phones and snoring.

When I came home I made up some chicken and vegetable soup 




While Miss P straightened her hair 


and then I rolled up the meatballs and cooked them 


 while Miss P put on her makeup.


And all the while Mr. P napped in bed 

Then I cleaned up the soup and meatball mess so I have room to cook chicken masala for dinner and then drive Miss P home. 


Lessons learned in the last 48 hours :

"Lets do some cooking together Mum" really means "How about you cook my meals for the week Mum while I talk on my I Phone and make myself beautiful"

"I promise I wont do anything stupid " really means "Im coming home so drunk I'll be lucky to be able to tell the cab driver where I live". ( I suspect the cab driver snuck a peek at his drivers licence to find out) 

All I want right now is a shower and a hair wash because I've looked like this all day ....






45 comments:

susan said...

Can't comment - laughing too hard!!!

Diary of a Flutter.Kat said...

Ummmm I'm with Susan.
What was little P doing? Should we be worried for his safety? ;)

Razzle Dazzle Quilter said...

This must be your contribution to the NZ comedy fest!
Love the bit about going to the opening of an envelope
Cheers
Linda

Helsie said...

What a sweet, even tempered person you are. I hope your family are going to give you a very special day next Sunday. You deserve it. (Perhaps a voucher for a beauty treatment ??? Oh sorry that was a bit mean. A trip to the hairdresser then!)
Cheers

Rachaeldaisy said...

Shay, You crack me up!!

Kris said...

Well, I'm assuming Little P was with his Dad cause I know Shay is pretty responsible, but I am beginning to wonder if this really is Shay, because that doesn't look like you at all! (And I've seen you in real life!) I'm thinking you won't fall for the cooking line again, right?

Mistea said...

Looks like someone will be eating well this week at least.
Good luck with the no shopping deal, always sounds good in principle.
Enjoy your week.

Kirsten's Cooking said...

Bless you, for taking pictures of your husband and daughter:) the pictures made the commentary even better.

I hope you get to keep at least half of those meals! And, aren't you so glad you didn't go to the birthday party? :)

How's Mr P feeling the day after?

Suzan said...

Going to work on Monday doesn't seem too bad, does it? :)

Sue said...

Love the quilt Mr P had draped over him. Ever thought about going on strike?

Jennifer said...

What a day! Have you ever thought of publishing your blog in book form? Just think of the fun you could have reading it ten years from now.......

Kate said...

It must be a daugher thing. Drama Teen very often does the same thing. At least you got in a few hours of sewing.

Sincerely hope the Mr. P and Miss P have big plans to make next weekend extra special. If not, you should make those plans.

Queen Of The Armchair aka Dzintra Stitcheries said...

Hey Shay you crack me up...laughin' hard here! Love your blog!!!

Larri @ Seams Inspired said...

This was...by far...the most enjoyable blog post I've read in weeks. Thanks for the giggles, Shay! Hope your house is back in order. Happy Sunday night! ☺

73mw said...

You're fabulous Shay - this is one of my favourite blog posts ever. Time for a bit of you time x

Katy Cameron said...

Aww, what are complaining about, that was a REALLY tough weekend for Mr P and Miss P, and you can't even cook them dinner for the week without griping... ;o)

Sarcastic Quilter said...

First off, I feel for Mr. P. I have had a couple nights like that in the past couple years and frankly, I remember the pain. It's so rare I do it but sometimes, I just try to pretend I'm in college again. Inevitably, it's always a bad idea.

Second, you have no shame but I want to warn you, some psychologist or other has decreed you cannot shame or humiliate your kids into behaving better. I think that's bullshit and love that you keep trying this tactic with Miss P on your blog. I fear, however, she's immune to it b/c she thinks we are all nameless, faceless people who she will never see. I say threaten to give out her mailing address so we can send her cards telling her to be nicer to mum and all and see if that gets you anywhere! :D

As for the humiliation/shaming of Mr. P, I fear, too, he doesn't care. We've heard too much of him for him to feel there's any need to be anyhing other than his jolly old self. We must rank as family by now and therefore, he need not put on airs. lol

You, well, I always knew you could look like that. I look like that fairly regularly. Sometimes I conduct my entire workday like that!

Oh, one other thing, I'll be posting a bit later today about my Friday. You must tell Mr. P you are living in the wrong continent. Here, the police insist you drink more! hehe

Tricia said...

OMG! That was the funniest thing I have read in months! The pictures just make the story. So funny!

Shevvy said...

I've never been so grateful to be single and childless!

Especially when I feel like Mr P - don't want anyone around fussing me on days like that.

Michelle said...

Wow, you're patient!

Elizabeth said...

So, wait. You shopped for Miss P, cooked all her meals, and she played in the iPhone all day? This sounds a bit like the story of the Little Red Hen, only you didn't eat the food all by yourself. I'm a little indignant on your behalf.

On the positive side, your kitchen is SO gorgeous! I really love the makeover you did on the dresser, and your gorgeous white table and cabinets. I love the black accents. Such an amazing space! I hope you're still really enjoying it (and that all this cooking means you've got your oven back in working order).

Also, those Indian meatballs look really good. Would you mind sharing the recipe?

xo -E

Barb H said...

Love it!

BillieBee (billiemick) said...

You have made my day! Soooooo funny!

Vesuviusmama said...

So glad I wasn't trying to eat or drink while reading this post, because I would have snorted something in the wrong way or out the wrong way for sure! Hilarious!

Pokey said...

ha-ha-ha-ha!

Pokey said...

Hee-HEE-hee-Hee-Hee!

Pokey said...

Woo-Hoo, what a weekend to remember! You give smiles of happiness to us all, Miss Shay! Love you!
:-}pokey

Lisa Marie said...

Ahahahahaha! Love it!! You are priceless!! Most of my days go like that too. I sympathize with you. The worst is when you go out looking like that but don't realize it till you get back home.

Heather said...

OMG, that was the best post ever. Here I am living apart from DH cause of his new job and feeling lonely but now i think of it as a luxury rather than a hardship. LOL

Bonnie said...

I needed a laugh today and you certainly provided it. You should publish some stories because you do describe events so well.

Sue SA said...

Snort, really no Indians in your meatballs, what were you thinking!
Giving up my day to cooking rather then quilting grieves me, because food lasts seconds, well an hour in our house as the kids are little so therefore slow at eating...but your day takes the cake (scuse the pun!) and to think I am getting a new kitchen! Forget spending mothers day with the family, make them take you away for the weekend, or better yet go on a patchwork retreat!

Sheila said...

Bless your heart :D

AnnieO said...

You simply must post a SPIT ALERT before posts like these!!! Luckily, I sensed some disasterous happenings from the title. Thanks for the actual visuals of all the goings on. Hope you got a shower.

Jindi's Cottage said...

Life is never dull at Chez Pyjamas that's for sure...I think the next time the words "Let's do some cooking together Mum" and/or "I promise I wont' do anything stupid" are uttered in your house you should pick up your quilty stuff and...run...run very fast and very far...preferably to somewhere spa like and gorgeous with pampering and showers...

Julianne K said...

YOU'RE FABULOUS! LOVE THE HAIR!!

Amanda said...

Loved it, Great post, got to say I was feeling a bit like mr p Sunday morning though I do remember coming home, being the control freak I am I never get too messy, however managed to feel pretty ordinary and so did hubby.

Andrea said...

oh my gosh, I so needed to read this post this morning.... You could have used those chickens as a mask for Miss P or hangover relief (on the face) for Mr.P, along with the phrase "I promise I won't do anything stupid".. LOL You are such a great story teller, telling it like it really is!

Nanci said...

Okay, go back to work for rest is what a lot of women feel like on Mondays! Too funny Shay. That hunk of burning love needs to remember tooth brush and lots and lots of mouth wash after a night out with the boys!
The soup...it would have got me at the mention...chicken soup is my fav!
Dishwashers were made for weekends like this. You might also like to take a brush to the hair....just a suggestion before going out!

P. said...

Did the word "ingrate" factor into your vocabulary or thought process at all? I'm obvious not as nice as you are, but it does make for a funny story. Still laughing about the opening of an envelope. The food looks yummy!

Baa-Me Kniits said...

OMG I nearly pee'ed myself laughing! Now I just know you are going to come back with a comment that I have all this to look forward to but I'm sorry it was great and you have made my morning :-) Did you have a secret chocolate stash to dip into to keep the energy up?

Robin, Boise, Idaho said...

Oh my gawd Shay.... don't do that to your blog readers!!! Did you know that I nearly had a heart attack?!! You simply cannot post photos of yourself looking like that! Now, go and wash that mop of yours and getcha self some make up on girl! Let's hope that ER at the local hospitals aren't full of your blog readers!!
So love you!!

Kristie said...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

quiltfool said...

A Mum's work is never done. Are you planning to put all this in a book? Because you really should. You make so many laugh. Lane

OzRose said...

Like the first comment on this post....roflmao!!!!!

beth said...

very. very. funny!