Saturday, February 15, 2014

What do You Think?

Right off the bat - let me say I'm not posting to inflame or create controversy but I was incensed at something I saw on a news report yesterday and I'm here to have a little rant and see what other people think. 

The story goes something like this. Sophia was turning 7 and her parents sent out invitations to a number of children to her Tie Dye birthday party. So far so good...I wouldn't have minded an invite to a party like that myself. 

One parent responded indicating her child would not be attending and provided a written explanation for her child's absence from the party. 

Image taken from news.com.au who listed their source as Facebook

The background is that Sophia has two Dad's. Two parents who love her enough to throw her a tie dye party (Umm... tie dye party for 7 year olds - are these guys among the bravest parents you've ever heard of? ) Two parents who aren't influenced by meaningless gender roles and what is "appropriate" and invited a boy to their 7th daughters party. 


What burned my grits wasn't that this little girl has two Dad's. I couldn't care less about that.  Live and let live. I think love is wonderful no matter where you find it or who you find it with. What got my back up was the response by the other parent. Since when did it become OK to be an ill mannered witch?  A simple "No Thank You, Tommy is unable to attend" would have sufficed.

You know who I feel sorry for? Not Sophia. I feel sorry for Tommy who lives with a parent who has no basic manners and thinks its perfectly acceptable to be rude, without regard for the feelings of others. The right to your opinion does not override basic human decency.  You know what honey? Your child is going to be exposed to all sorts of differences out in the big wide world before he leaves your care and has to learn how to interact with people without being completely manner-less and bigoted. And I guess he's going to have to learn how to do that from someone other than you, because that's a obviously a skill you haven't learned yet. 

A Birthday Party RSVP for a 7 year old isn't the place to moralise about your lifestyle preferences. Pull your head in. 

What do other people think? Was her response over the top or perfectly acceptable? 



38 comments:

Lorraine said...

yep...I feel sorry for Tommy - a simple "no" would have been sufficient I think!

Queen Of The Armchair aka Dzintra Stitcheries said...

Hi there Shay, I'm over from Rachael's blog!

I can't believe this response...it sucks! I agree with you that a simple can't attend is sufficient. Blow me down I'm flabbergasted! What a great party that would be!

Wendy Phelps said...

You are spot on, an extremely rude and ignorant women, and a totally unnecessary reply. I live in a community with some Sudanese families, my next door neighbours son invited a Sudanese boy home, I was very shocked to here the women scream abuse at this little boy who cried and ran away. Talk about lessons to teach your children. Best wishes Wendy

Rachaeldaisy said...

Written on the back of a child's party invitation, that is just so low. I can't write down what I feel about that lady and her ignorance and total lack of manners.

Elizabeth said...

So rude! You pretty much nailed it on the head.

xo -E

audrey said...

Since when is a rsvp necessary for a 7 yr. old birthday party anyway? You either go or you don't and the parents/child certainly don't have to know the reasons why if you have a particular issue.

Helsie said...

Completely with you here Shay.

Suzan Oxenreider said...

Could not agree with you more. She is a horrid, small minded woman. Bigotry is a learned behaviour. She is teaching another generation to be an intolerant bigot.

AnnieO said...

Tie dye is a CRAFT, right? It would never occur to me that it promoted something other than Grateful Dead fandom. I agree no rabid parental response was called for and manners weren't in the picture at all. Good grief!

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with you. Isn't it much better to have two loving parents (brave enought to hold a tie dye party!!)even though they are of the same gender instead of parents who hate the sight of each other. I also feel sorry for Tommy but if he has to grow up in a household like that I feel there isn't much hope of him growing up to be anything but a rude and bigoted person. Louise

Heather said...

I am so disgusted by this person's response that I am in tears. I have 2 gay sons and am continually shocked by the attitude shown by some people. Poor Tommy to grow up in such an environment and a lucky birthday girl to have two great dad's!

Jackie said...

I agree with you wholeheartedly. This parent was rude and what she wrote was uncalled for.

God bless.

Kate said...

Don't know that I can add anything that hasn't already been said. I agree that it was rude and unnecessary to RSVP in such a manner. It's just sad.

Sharyn T said...

Omg! You can only imagine how this little boy will turn out. Sharyn:)

Michelle said...

I'm with you Shay. How very sad this parent will probably never see anything wrong with her behavior.

P. said...

I agree with you 100%. How sad for Tommy.

Jennifer said...

How rude, all she had to say was "no thank you, Tommy can't make it" and leave it at that.....who is she to moralise on other people's behaviour? She is obviously so perfect herself. One can't help wondering what she is frightened of.

Michelle Ridgway said...

Oh dear! Poor Tommy! If you often wonder how prejudice spans the generations.... well there it is! I'd fill in for Tommy in a heart beat. How blessed is Sophia to have such loving parents. Having several very close family friends who are gay I find it very offensive on so many levels. Right with you Shay xx

Razzle Dazzle Quilter said...

No not okay. Horrid. Should have said a polites thanks but no thanks

Just my five Pennethworth

Linda

diegoagogo said...

Being an out & proud Queer Mum, I am unfortunately well versed in this type of response. We can only hope Tommy discovers some other influences in his life but I doubt it.
"Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man" and all that.
Very sad for all concerned especially society.

Susan said...

Totally inappropriate. Tommy will have to learn compassion and tolerance elsewhere, and I expect he will soon be of an age where he will run as fast as he can from such a bad attitude. Of course she's entitled to her opinion, even if it is stupid.

Diane-crewe said...

couldnt agree more .. sadly this is the sort of person who gets attention and also a child growing up with that parent LEARNS their values x

Marg said...

I agree with you 100%. People are entitled to their opinion, even if they are sadly misguided. Unfortunately there are too many bigoted, narrow minded people in this world. How hard could it have been to just say a polite no thank you. Lucky Sophie, she has two loving and caring parents.

Shevvy said...

Poor poor Tommy. Like the poem says "they fuck you up, your mum and dad".

Katy Cameron said...

Ugh, I'm sorry that woman procreated in the first place, poor Tommy being stuck living with that!

Larri said...

While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, this mother was thoughtless & undeniably cruel with her rude response. And what did she accomplish? Certainly not anything remotely close to love.

Barb H said...

Unfortunately, Shay, this kind of small-mindedness and bigotry seems to be flourishing here in the States. I can only hope that it's not the same in the rest of the world. So glad you spoke up--that's the only way to combat such ignorance.

Dianne Neale said...

Jeez, is there any hope for the human race?

Cindy said...

Oh my goodness, Shay. How sad. I can't add anything more that's already been said. I've seen first hand what it's like to have to live a 'lie' because society can't understand. I have a family member who went through hell and back trying to be what we call 'normal'. She is now out and happily married to her loving wife (same sex marriage is now legal in the state I live in). That was truly one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been too and I balled like a baby. I can't comprehend what it's like to be gay any more than a gay person can comprehend the life of a straight person. But what I know is that love is love no matter how it presents itself. As for the religious aspect of it...I can't believe that a loving God would condemn anyone for being gay. My family member, who has a faith stronger than I ever could, said it perfectly, "God made me and I certainly can't believe He made me wrong!" Well said, Steph. Well said. It takes a village to raise a child. I hope the village steps in to teach sweet little Tommy acceptance of all things different. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Shay,
There is little left to express given what your blog followers have written. The moral outrage expressed by Tommy's mother is so hypocritical. How appalling that someone would use a response to an invitation for a little girl's birthday party to vent her bigotry. The tone suggests to me that she took great pleasure in writing every word. Poor Tommy!
I was very touched by the care and time that Sophie's fathers spend creating the invitation and planning such a wonderful party for their much loved little girl. Bravo!

barbara woods said...

i am with you a simple we cant attend would have been much nicer

Sue SA said...

Some people chose to live in fear of what they do not know or understand. Unfortunately what she didn't understand was that good parenting only requires love, not two parents of different genders.

Karen said...

This is what the world is becoming. I'll advised and uneducated judgemental people are all around. It is sad!

Juliane said...

I hope the Two Dads rose to the occasion and made a tie-dyed t-shirt for Tommy so little Sophie could give it to him since he missed the party.

The only true treatment for such ugliness is with kindness.

thea said...

Her response was totally over the top and unacceptable. Why do people think something like this is okay?

Kirsten's Cooking said...

I love Juliane's idea. Kill them with kindness!

I'm going to give you my life's motto: listen carefully (it's the title to a country song).....

'God is great,
Beer is good,
People are crazy'.

It's always true, all the time :)

Leanne said...

Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children so that they can screw up their lives. Poor tommy lets hope he escapes his parents as soon as he can.
P.S. How much fun would a tie die party be.

Marie said...

This turned out to be a hoax set up by a radio station to get some free publicity. The cynicism of that bothers me a lot, as they knew what would happen once social media got hold of the story. It's getting to the stage where you begin to doubt everything you read and think that it's all a set-up.

That aside, IF it had been genuine, then it would have been absolutely appalling. I can't believe that anyone would seriously write that reply (although you never know...)