Talking Turkey

Last week I started thinking about how ripped off Australia is because we don't have a Thanksgiving Day. Given we are a country built on enforced labour (thank you England for using us as the world's biggest prison)perhaps people had no reason to feel thankful in the fledgling years of our great nation. I imagine that the heat, the flies, the idea of being sentenced to 7 years servitude for flogging a loaf of bread, the 5 month boat ride and deadly snakes and spiders made people quite pissy to be here. 

The Northern Hemisphere can keep Halloween, and Groundhog Day and Darwin Day (Who even knew there was a day for Charles Darwin? If you did- you're a total geek) but I think Thanksgiving is a very cool idea.

The more I thought about it - the more it seemed to me that I was just going to have to create Aussie Thanksgiving Day. My email in box hasn't exactly been flooded with invitations to anyone else's Thanksgiving shindigs (hint hint for subsequent years people) so it was obvious if I wanted turkey I was just going to have to pony up and cook one myself.  

Decision made, I went forth to find one of a suitable size. I think my US friends are pulling my leg when they talk about cooking 20 pound turkeys because I certainly couldn't find one. This leads me to believe:

a) That 20 pound turkeys are an urban myth

b) The US send all their anorexic turkeys Down Under because what the hell would we know - we don't celebrate Thanksgiving 

c) That Australia is the world capital of midget turkeys. 

The biggest turkey I could find was 11 pounds which is basically a chicken on illegal steroids. But I had to work with what I had, because Thea wouldn't fed ex me one of the 20 pounders. Just a tip- when you guys are bragging about your 20 pound turkeys don't mention the price you paid. You risk bodily injury. I can buy beluga caviar cheaper here than a turkey. 

But find a turkey I did, and then began the slow laborious process of watching it defrost for three days in my fridge, taking up the entire bottom shelf, which is normally where I chill my wine. Talk about a sacrifice.  I mean really, who takes meat out of the freezer on Tuesday night when they're going to eat it Friday? I was all for taking it out of the freezer Thursday night and letting it defrost on the sink until I was going to cook it but internet opinion repeatedly told me that was the fastest way to cooking up a dose of food poisoning.

So I spent the next three days researching how to cook bloody turkey (ironically the object of which is not to have any blood coming out of your turkey at all) The internet wasn't at all helpful because apparently some people out there cook their turkeys for 13 minutes a pound and some cook it for 40 minutes per pound. I guess some people like their turkey rare? 

Eventually (just after I started to weep uncontrollably and consider whether the local chicken shop would cook my turkey for me if I begged and cried loud enough) I found instructions on the actual turkey wrapping.....who would have thought to look there?

This Thanksgiving business is hard work. In between popping off to the hairdresser, I spent pretty much all day in the kitchen, peeling spuds, trimming the ends off beans and cutting carrots, wrapping corn in foil, and stuffing a cob loaf with cheese and butter. We wont talk about how much butter I actually used during the course of the day but I will say cows all over Australia were working overtime. Naturally I only used calorie free butter so it's all good.

My intention was to show you my entire Thanksgiving meal but somewhere along the way I forgot to take photos of everything (I'm blaming turkey stress). I did manage to take a picture of my dwarf turkey and it doesn't look all that appetising. If looking up a turkey's butt will stress you, look away now.

It looked far prettier all plated up and nobody died of whatever malady you contract from badly cooked turkey. My vegetables were also sublime. I served up mashed potatoes instead of roasted ones. And green , orange and yellow ones too. I now know why you all serve mashed spuds with Thanksgiving dinner- its because you don't have room in your oven for anything besides turkey. 

Gratuitous tablescape shot to divert your attention from the fact I didn't get pictures of anything else. 

And finally the piece de resistance. My triple layer chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream, cherry ripes, wafers, ganache and chocolate honeycomb.  Yes- I put all of that on one cake. 

This cake came together far too easily. I should have known something was going to give. When I poured the layer of ganache over the top before I put the honeycomb on top, it all pissed out the sides of the cake and my cake ended up floating in rather large puddle of chocolate that came an inch up the sides.  I did contemplate leaving it there and pretending an intentional moat was part of the plan but ended up sopping up all that chocolate with 327 paper towels instead. Do you know how hard it is to lift a 5 pound cake with an egg flip so you can wipe underneath?

I vote Thanksgiving should be a bi annual event. Who's with me?