Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Mr. P Glams it Up

I think some of the differences between men and women are genetically imprinted by those pesky XY or XX chromosomes.  Examples that spring immediately to mind include the love men have for just about any sport,  their unnatural relationship with anything that has wheels , and their aversion to shopping  of any description.

Fed up with Mr. P looking like the King of the Dag people, we set off Saturday morning ostensibly to buy me new undies, but I was hatching a plan in my head to convince him to get some new clothes. Call me crazy, but I think wearing  a T-shirt in Vietnam that proclaims “Man Whore” across the front  is going to get you all the wrong sort of attention.  Mr. P’s  T-shirt  collection is especially vile and he has needed new jeans for at least a year. He tells me he  attempted to find new jeans six weeks ago without my assistance and couldn’t find anything he liked. That’s because last time he went jeans shopping it was the 1979 and bell bottoms were  all the rage.  I strongly suspect that his attempt to find jeans in August  entailed running past the front of the 23 jeans retailers at our local shopping mall and calling that trip done.

I essentially shoved him into Jeans West on Saturday morning , grabbed a sexy young thing to flatter and assist him (men never say no to a young pretty thing) and said “My husband needs two new pairs of jeans”. Fifteen minutes later he was done. See? That wasn’t all that hard.

Next stop – shirts – shirts that dont have crummy slogan writing on them. The only reason I'm making that damn T-shirt quilt is so I have an excuse to cut up some of his shitty old T-shirts that he simply won’t part with. It's win win. I dont have to worry about him being seen in public with those awful shirts anymore and he gets a quilt out of it. This part of the shopping experience entailed me throwing about 100 T-shirts at him and muttering  “Try this on” and then barking “It fits , it doesn’t have anything offensive on it –you’re getting it“.


More success. And not one of them looks bogan. This will set him up until at least 2023 when we have to do another decennium clothes shopping assault. Im sure that in about a month these will have Pho stains on them that I cant get out but for now my husband has a decent wardrobe.


I've been doing last minute details for our holiday and decided I want to do a day spa. For about 75 bucks I'm getting 4 hours of pampering. Sadly, it appears that the only kind of massage Mr. P can get is one with a happy finish so he misses out. Sucks to be a bloke. 



30 comments:

Karen said...

Nice work Shay! My husband is similar but is super selective and picky...I stand around while he tries on several pairs of jeans. My eyes roll and I fidget and chat with all the shoppers...just before I walk out he typically decides. Not enough time to describe the shirt shopping :). I have been on a underwear search myself lately, must be the change in season. Hehe. I am sure your trip will be awesome

cambric cotton, pins and needles said...

Relate to this, one of my sons is known as a tight arse in the family and will not spend money on himself. His wife has had it with trying to get him to the shops so has told him no more date nights until he has a new wardrobe. Who did he call to go with him, me, his mum? Anyway I did what you did, found young and sexy to help him and we came away with a very trendy new wardrobe. His wife is very pleased

thea said...

My husband is totally the opposite. He loves to shop. He doesn't do it often but when he does, we have to take out a second mortgage. I, on the other hand, hate to shop. I would rather grab a bunch of stuff off the racks and bring them home to try on. The less time I spend in stores, the better.

Looks like you are gearing up fir your holiday!

Helsie said...

Well done Shay. My bloke actually likes shopping but won't pay the money for anything decent. My ploy is to get sally to take him. It's amazing what she can get him to buy !!!
Loved your last line!
PS. When are you off?

Marg said...

Yay no more worrying whether he will have any extra unwanted attention by the local constabulary in Vietnam. Or even worse, deported as soon as they see one of those T shirts. You'll have to post pics of Mr P in is new finery.

Michelle Ridgway said...

Oh boy....feel your pain. Mine will buy clothes but every shirt he owns tells everyone where he has been or what event or venue he attended..I LONG to see him in a plain polo shirt. Your day spa sounds lovely :-)

audrey said...

You are too funny with that shopping business. My husband doesn't buy the slogan t's so much anymore (thank goodness) but on his own he buys weird colored shirts. Sounds like you might need the spa visit.:)

Lorraine said...

Bahahahaha My ex had lots of clothes which he kept in two wardrobes - one at my place and one at his GF's! I do hope you have fully checked out that your four hours of pampering doesn't end with a happy finish!!

Sharyn T said...

My hubbie is exactly like Michelle R's. Absolutely envy you on getting your husband to the shops, let alone buying clothes, well done! Sharyn:)

Suzan said...

My sons both like to shop. One is Mr. Bargain (I swear he finds the best deals and then calls me to tell me what a good shopper he is!) and the other never looks at a price tag - just picks up whatever he likes. I am convinced that the reason they like to shop is because they were raised (mostly) by a woman.
Can't wait to hear more about your trip! As a ch

Suzan said...

As I was saying - damned laptop - As a child of the 60's I am fascinated by Vietnam.

Jennifer said...

Mr P will look very spiffy in his new wardrobe! Hmmm, a day at the spa sounds very nice.......

P. said...

You crack me up. Have we glimpsed this "shitty T-shirt" quilt yet? I hope you saved some good ones. Love your shopping strategy for Mr. P. Norm must have gotten an extra half chromosome because he hates most sports and actually likes to shop for himself. Lucky for me he's a bargain hunter so I don't worry about him spending too much. When we went to Mall of America years ago, he had just had foot surgery and come out of double casts, but he still shopped circles around me. In fact, daughter and I stayed back at the hotel for a couple of trips. Enjoy your spa day in Vietnam (or is that before you go?). Have fun!

AnnieO said...

I'm so over the slogan Tees! There are some really offensive ones, besides the ungrammatical ones! My hubby hates to shop. His tolerance is about 20-30 minutes in a store. He'd much rather I buy his clothes and waste MY time taking back the rejects!! Hope your vacation is everything you're planning for!

Katy Cameron said...

You deserve the spa to get over the shopping trip ;o)

Kristie said...

Way to get the job done and to use the pretty sales associates to your advantage! Painful, but worthwhile. Now you can be seen with him in public on your vacay.

Sue SA said...

I have to admit to just buying DH clothes, its easier, quicker and he rarely complains! It is not my fave past time, but I normally buy something for myself while I am doing it, that helps!
A happy ending? AHHHHHH, ohhhhhhhhh, hee hee hee!

Terri said...

Thanks for the instructions... I'll be putting these into practice soon. (Hubby has been wearing all his clothes while doing yard work, and looks like a bumpkin. Why can't they keep to the icky for sweaty work?)
Hugs

Leanne said...

What you doing nest Saturday perhaps you could take my husband shopping.

Brandie said...

I've spit out my tea and have almost wet "my" undies! I should charge you for a new keyboard!
Enjoy your trip and especially your spa day!

Quiltn Mama said...

I think I peed myself! What is it with men and clothing? I say if underpants have more potholes than a back alley, they need to go. My husband deems them 'comfy'.

Cindy said...

So...did you ever buy your new undies? Where the photo?? My husband has been looking for his doppelganger. I think you have him! :)

Rachaeldaisy said...

I cracked recently and bought a few things for my guy. He's worn the same outfit for 5 years! How do they do that? Jeans are harder to buy on the internet so thank you for the brilliant idea of throwing him into a jeans shop with a flattering girl. Your day spa sounds like a dream. Mr P can enjoy lying under a palm tree watching clouds float by.

Kirsten's Cooking said...

So, the trick was to think he could help you pick out undies. Wonder what he would have chosen? Something real comfy, I'm assuming!
Love the new shirts! What will the weather be like? Cool enough for jeans? What did you find for yourself?
Please take lots of pictures! And have a great time, you deserve it :)

Kate said...

Oh, so that was the motivation behind the T-shirt quilt. Very clever thinking Mrs. P.

I'm lucky My Guy has been the same size since we got married (that's a bit sickening, but very useful). If he needs new clothes, I buy them put them in the closet and he wears them. Obviously he has me well trained. Mr. P will be very glad you glammed him up so he doesn't look quite so bland next to his very glamorous wife.

The Chicken's Consigliere said...

You made him go shopping and now you deny him a happy finish massage? You're tough:-)

Kris said...

Ok. Now I'm worried. My husband doesn't watch sport and also loves shopping. (More than I do even) He does have the car thing going on just a little bit, so maybe I'm ok. As for Mr P, I am impressed. That you could even find a mens tshirt at the shops without a slogan is nothing short of amazing. I have all sorts of trouble with this buying clothes for my sons (who are all definitely man-sized these days). My Bradley doesn't wear tshirts (What can I say? He's an individual) so I don't have this problem with him.

Pokey said...

You deserve the pampering, sounds like shopping was as fun as the dentist for Mr. P!
:-}pokey

Sarah said...

Hahaha you crack me up. My husband actually has no slogan tshirts. He likes polo tshirts. Perhaps that's a country boy thing? My Dad and brother prefer polos too. Hope the trip is going well. Enjoy your spa treatment. I had an hour and half one last week. Bliss!

Elizabeth said...

They actually do massages with a happy finish? I thought those were an urban legend. Yikes. I wouldn't pay for that for my husband either (if it is what I'm thinking it is).

Again, I'm super lame for not commenting right away. Loved hearing about your shopping adventures. When we first met, Mr. Bug shopped at the thrift shops, presumably because they sold what was fashionable 10-15 years prior to that time. Now, when he goes shopping, he finds a polo shirt that he likes and then buys one in every color. Fortunately for me, his work provides him with button-down shirts with the company logo in a rainbow of colors (which is right up Mr. Bug's alley) and they even launder them for free (which is right up my alley). As for jeans, I will never get him into a fashionable pair that fit. He's stuck in the 80's where jeans were tapered (fortunately, he's not into the skinny jeans that are the thing now) and ties were narrow. I love him anyway.

xo -E