What happens in Adelaide Stays in Adelaide

I'm sure I missed all sorts of amazing stuff while I was away and I don't have a snowballs chance in hades of catching up with what you've all been up to in the last week  but I was flat out living my own brand of hectic and wonderful in the last five days.  As a result I'm completely exhausted and I'm planning to be in  bed in about 5 minutes.  Yep-I'm a complete party animal.

First off I want to publicly state that Little Miss Sunshine is ten times as fabulously awesome in person as she is in Blogland. I am going to make it my life's mission to convince her she needs to move to Adelaide so I can have this much fun all the time. She is amazing, and talented and generous and down to earth and one of the loveliest people I have ever met. There wasn't one awkward moment and a lot of bloody funny ones.

You will be happy to know that with the aid of a good lawyer we beat the drunk and disorderly and subsequent resisting arrest raps. Like Gremlins,  you shouldn't give women of a certain age wine after 7 pm.Marg and I have agreed what happened in Adelaide largely stays in Adelaide because sewing weekends are just like footy trips. We laughed, we ate , we drank and got merry , we danced on tables, and we tried to trade sexual favours in return for our freedom from the cops ...and that's all I'm saying because the rest is still a matter for due legal process.

So much went on over the extended weekend , that I have to break it up into a few posts lest your heads explode from the gloriousness of it all so I'll start with the quilting class since this is a quilting blog. I'm going to publicly state I have never been to a quilting class in my life and I'm fairly sure that after this weekend my name has gone on blacklist somewhere(probably held by the mythical quilting police ) that will ban me forever more from all quilting classes taking place anywhere in the known universe with the possible exception of Kyrgyzstan.

What I learned this past weekend is that there is a naughty corner reserved in every quilting and sewing class. They put you in it as you walk in the door if you look like a troublemaker. It's usually out of eye sight of the person presenting the class.  I think I look sweet and innocent but there you have it. Apparently others can see right through me. Guess where I sat?  I also learned:

Some of us don’t play well with others and some of us don't respond well to pressure. That would be me...

Some of us don't like to follow the rules. That would be me...I spent most of the second day attempting free motion quilting patterns that had nothing to do with what was being taught and trying not to sew my own freaking hand to my practice sandwich. Kris - I think I finally have that hand /foot/speed thing down. Sort of.

Logical types really struggle with FM quilting. It's hard to let yourself go when your whole existence is based on being in control of your universe and everything in it.   Again, that would be me....

Sometimes you will almost cry in public when you feel you are the class dunce. That might be acceptable when you are 4 years old  and Kathy Smith refuses to share her icy pole with you or when Michael Jones calls you "stinky".  It's kind of whack when you're 44 and a half and it's over something inconsequential like  being unable to raw edge applique the very first time you ever try it.

It is possible to take a Kellie Wulfsohn pattern and make it look questionable. I bet none of you knew that.

It will look so much better BEFORE you start sewing on it. I excel at cutting fabrics and steam a seam-ing them onto more fabric. In fact I'm mildly peeved that isn't an Olympic sport. I'd win gold.

The people sitting in earshot of you won't think it’s cute when you loudly mutter expletives in class because you forgot you weren't at home in the comfort of your private sewing room. While your actual real life neighbours may delight in learning new swear words the lady sitting four sewing machines down will probably be  quite shocked when she goes home and googles"Hitto. Jumalauta. Voi perkele." You will spend a lot of class time apologising for being profane in multiple languages. However, your quilting buddy will be really glad you are swearing louder than she is and taking the focus off her. And she will appreciate all the smuggled in snacks you brought.

You will realise the sewing machine you love so much is really pretty sucky when confronted by other people's machines in a group setting. It's a bit like boys playing "my willy is bigger than yours" in a footy change room.  I didn't even know sewing machines came with something called "needle down". Duh. Clearly I need to get out more. I came away feeling like I rock at knocking out such fab creations on my humble machine. 

I excelled at lunch. I got an A+ for that. The food was wonderful and could only have been improved by serving champagne with the chicken although that may translate to some messy after lunch sewing accidents.

Ditto fabric acquisition. If there was a class for that I'd have a double degree. I defy anyone to spend two days at a quilting shop and NOT buy fabric. It simply can't be done.  I skipped out of the last hour of class to go roll amongst  the bolts of fabric which is another thing people will look at you like you're a weirdo over.

You'll be shattered by the end of the day because you cant get up every 15 minutes to go outside, check your emails, read what's going on in the Blogisphere , plan dinner , bake cupcakes , talk to your Mum for an hour on the phone and mentally write blog posts.

Did I learn anything else? Yes-there are some very talented people out there. Little Miss Sunshine is one of them. Talk about being gifted at swirly stuff. If she hadn't been with me Im sure she would have been the star of the class.  And I'm still looking for the crafty/quilty technique I can excel at. It isn't trapunto, swirly free motion or raw edge applique I can assure you of that.

More tomorrow.  Kirsten, I took food pictures for you.

P.S. Just want to say despite all this tongue in cheek humour, the ladies at Hettie's Patch did a wonderful job of making everyone feel very welcome and catering to our every whim.  They are fabulous and the shop is seriously wonderful. I can see some of my hard earned cash being spent there in the future. And they have the cutest resident cats ever. I accidentally appliqued one to my cushion front at one point ....