Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What happens in Adelaide Stays in Adelaide

I'm sure I missed all sorts of amazing stuff while I was away and I don't have a snowballs chance in hades of catching up with what you've all been up to in the last week  but I was flat out living my own brand of hectic and wonderful in the last five days.  As a result I'm completely exhausted and I'm planning to be in  bed in about 5 minutes.  Yep-I'm a complete party animal.

First off I want to publicly state that Little Miss Sunshine is ten times as fabulously awesome in person as she is in Blogland. I am going to make it my life's mission to convince her she needs to move to Adelaide so I can have this much fun all the time. She is amazing, and talented and generous and down to earth and one of the loveliest people I have ever met. There wasn't one awkward moment and a lot of bloody funny ones.

You will be happy to know that with the aid of a good lawyer we beat the drunk and disorderly and subsequent resisting arrest raps. Like Gremlins,  you shouldn't give women of a certain age wine after 7 pm.Marg and I have agreed what happened in Adelaide largely stays in Adelaide because sewing weekends are just like footy trips. We laughed, we ate , we drank and got merry , we danced on tables, and we tried to trade sexual favours in return for our freedom from the cops ...and that's all I'm saying because the rest is still a matter for due legal process.

So much went on over the extended weekend , that I have to break it up into a few posts lest your heads explode from the gloriousness of it all so I'll start with the quilting class since this is a quilting blog. I'm going to publicly state I have never been to a quilting class in my life and I'm fairly sure that after this weekend my name has gone on blacklist somewhere(probably held by the mythical quilting police ) that will ban me forever more from all quilting classes taking place anywhere in the known universe with the possible exception of Kyrgyzstan.

What I learned this past weekend is that there is a naughty corner reserved in every quilting and sewing class. They put you in it as you walk in the door if you look like a troublemaker. It's usually out of eye sight of the person presenting the class.  I think I look sweet and innocent but there you have it. Apparently others can see right through me. Guess where I sat?  I also learned:

Some of us don’t play well with others and some of us don't respond well to pressure. That would be me...

Some of us don't like to follow the rules. That would be me...I spent most of the second day attempting free motion quilting patterns that had nothing to do with what was being taught and trying not to sew my own freaking hand to my practice sandwich. Kris - I think I finally have that hand /foot/speed thing down. Sort of.

Logical types really struggle with FM quilting. It's hard to let yourself go when your whole existence is based on being in control of your universe and everything in it.   Again, that would be me....


Sometimes you will almost cry in public when you feel you are the class dunce. That might be acceptable when you are 4 years old  and Kathy Smith refuses to share her icy pole with you or when Michael Jones calls you "stinky".  It's kind of whack when you're 44 and a half and it's over something inconsequential like  being unable to raw edge applique the very first time you ever try it.

It is possible to take a Kellie Wulfsohn pattern and make it look questionable. I bet none of you knew that.


It will look so much better BEFORE you start sewing on it. I excel at cutting fabrics and steam a seam-ing them onto more fabric. In fact I'm mildly peeved that isn't an Olympic sport. I'd win gold.


The people sitting in earshot of you won't think it’s cute when you loudly mutter expletives in class because you forgot you weren't at home in the comfort of your private sewing room. While your actual real life neighbours may delight in learning new swear words the lady sitting four sewing machines down will probably be  quite shocked when she goes home and googles"Hitto. Jumalauta. Voi perkele." You will spend a lot of class time apologising for being profane in multiple languages. However, your quilting buddy will be really glad you are swearing louder than she is and taking the focus off her. And she will appreciate all the smuggled in snacks you brought.


You will realise the sewing machine you love so much is really pretty sucky when confronted by other people's machines in a group setting. It's a bit like boys playing "my willy is bigger than yours" in a footy change room.  I didn't even know sewing machines came with something called "needle down". Duh. Clearly I need to get out more. I came away feeling like I rock at knocking out such fab creations on my humble machine. 

I excelled at lunch. I got an A+ for that. The food was wonderful and could only have been improved by serving champagne with the chicken although that may translate to some messy after lunch sewing accidents.

Ditto fabric acquisition. If there was a class for that I'd have a double degree. I defy anyone to spend two days at a quilting shop and NOT buy fabric. It simply can't be done.  I skipped out of the last hour of class to go roll amongst  the bolts of fabric which is another thing people will look at you like you're a weirdo over.

You'll be shattered by the end of the day because you cant get up every 15 minutes to go outside, check your emails, read what's going on in the Blogisphere , plan dinner , bake cupcakes , talk to your Mum for an hour on the phone and mentally write blog posts.


Did I learn anything else? Yes-there are some very talented people out there. Little Miss Sunshine is one of them. Talk about being gifted at swirly stuff. If she hadn't been with me Im sure she would have been the star of the class.  And I'm still looking for the crafty/quilty technique I can excel at. It isn't trapunto, swirly free motion or raw edge applique I can assure you of that.

More tomorrow.  Kirsten, I took food pictures for you.


P.S. Just want to say despite all this tongue in cheek humour, the ladies at Hettie's Patch did a wonderful job of making everyone feel very welcome and catering to our every whim.  They are fabulous and the shop is seriously wonderful. I can see some of my hard earned cash being spent there in the future. And they have the cutest resident cats ever. I accidentally appliqued one to my cushion front at one point ....

26 comments:

Pokey said...

Shay, you are something else! I'm giving you gold for your point of view, and presentation! All smiles here, I'm glad the time was incredible....

Seams Inspired said...

Thanks for the quilty summary 'Shay' style! Loved it and only wish I could have learned to FM quilt right along with you. When are you gals going to come for a visit? I think America needs a bit of Aussie quilting! Happy Tuesday night! :o)

Sara said...

If what happens on sewing weekends stays on sewing weekends, does that mean that fabric bought on sewing weekends stays of the total fabric list? I don't think that it should count, but then, I'm of the belief that any fabric you've purchased as an Australian that's cost you less than $20 a metre doesn't count. And stuff bought after you've just worked a long shift, that doesn't count either, because they cancel one another out. Fabric bought on holidays isn't fabric either, it's souvenirs, as is any fabric you've had to drive more than 20km for. And anything that arrives in the mail can be classed as a care package.

I think the quilty technique you excel most at is having a fantastic quilt blog. If everything you did was quilty perfection you wouldn't have as much fun stuff to write about.

Ann Marie said...

I too get put in the corner whenever I take a quilting class. I try to keep my mouth shut too as to let the teacher getting paid to teach the class can do just that. But when I go past where the teacher is in class and the students slowly start piling around my machine and then the teacher asks why I am not teaching the class. I have to take a break so the others can listen to the teacher. I quit taking classes. Someday I may take another class on something I don't know anything about, but it is in my blood to learn quickly and then teach it to others. You will do great at your machine applique, practice, practice, practice. It gets easier as you go. Looking forward to your next post. If and when I make to Aussieland, we will have to take a class together so we can both get sent to the corners!

thea said...

I love reading your blog. I learn so much -- including new languages (Finnish and Aussie). Okay, so I googled the swear words .. I used to have to look them up in the dictionary, this is so much faster.

I agree with Sara on the fabric acquisition calculations -- she is the best at those things so you can probably take her word for it. (she is probably a good person to calculate calories with too).

Glad you had a fabulous weekend. Can't wait to read more!

Logopaedchen/Kirsten said...

Only so much: Next time you guys plan a class together I want to know at least six month in advance. I will then rob the nearset bank and join you guys. Thanks for sharing...:-)

Char said...

Oh Shay, you are a riot! I'm glad you had a wonderful time.

Janice said...

Wow talk about fabric aquisition. You are at 66 yards in April, I don't think you are going to make your 100 yd or less goal.

Glad you had such a riot and what happens on quilty trips, definitely stays between quilty friends. Especially that fabric aquisition thing.

Marg said...

I had a ball and I even learnt some new swear words, who knew I didn't know all of them already!
I'm so glad that what happened in Adelaide stays in Adelaide, phew, although I thought you said you weren't going to mention the cops part!!!!!!
The naughty corner was the best place to be, I felt very sorry for all the others. I am sure both our names are now on the black list of quilting classes.
I love Sara, that means that all the fabric I bought while I was away (on holidays, drove more than 20kms, plus posted home because it wouldn't fit in my suitcase) counts as not one single addition to my stash, yippee.

Amanda said...

Oh Shay, I am sure you weren't as bad as all that and maybe they should have served champagne at lunch then you might have relaxed a bit. Guess what I don't follow the rules either, I follow my rules and I am a lot happier quilter because of it.

Rachaeldaisy said...

Lol! The corner I sit in in my monthly sewing class is called the naughty corner! After my very first class I raced out and bought a fancy machine to replace my old 60's machine so I know what you mean there too!! Sounds like you and Marg had the best time!!

Kris said...

Bahahahaha! I can't imagine anyone appliqueing Bob to the front of anything!

Glad you had fun!

circle retreat quilter said...

Shay, you are a riot and, thanks for the warning I have my name down for one of Kellie's course's at the patchwork angel on the sunshine coast. I will try no to be to naughty.

Jennifer said...

You know, they tell me that free motion quilting is much easier and go along better after a chardy or two.......my tip for the day.....something to do with being more relaxed. It would take me a whole bottle. And also have waltzes playing in the background, so you sway along in time with the music and the machine.

Michelle Ridgway said...

Oh Shay. I relate. Glad to meet the other person in the quilting world who sucks at FM quilting. I now go in to a mild seizure when I even see it. You have made my morning and I'm still teeheeing. Glad you had a great time in spite of... and the fabric purchases...what fabric purchases???

Marg said...

Oh and I just googled your profanities. Hmmm, I don't remember hearing either of those, but I do remember hearing the English version of them........frequently, which was good as you were louder than me so it usually covered up anything that I let fly. Which unfortunately was often, very often!!!!
I think the woman behind me learnt lots of new words, poor dear!

Mistea said...

Sounds like a wonderful time was had both in and out of class. Look forward to the next instalment and to see the masterpiece with or without the cat.

Baa-Me Kniits said...

LOL your post made my day! Glad youboth had a great weekend. :-). I would have loved a photo of the cat appliqué!

Kate said...

Sounds like fun was had by all (I'll bet the other ladies in class were secretely jealous because of your extensive vocabulary!)

Looking forward to hearing the "rest of the story".

Deborah in Atlanta said...

I totally loved reading your post, and do you know what??? By the time I got to the end, the ONE thing that remained in my mind out of the entire thing??? The fact that you said "I excel at cutting fabrics " totally caught my attention because I totally SUCK at it. I don't know what my problem is, but I evidently never seem to get the fabric cut on the grain. I always end up with all these threads that ravel. And oh dear God, I hate it when I have a large piece of fabric, I get totally freaked out because I can't figure out how to get it laid out so I can cut the fabric on the grain. So you got all my smarts!!!!!!! At least when it came to cutting fabrics. Wish you lived near Atlanta so you could help me become the Queen of Cutting.

lw said...

Love the post! I think I'd rather have my humble machine than be forced to use a new one (they hope you'll fall in love and buy it, but it only makes it impossible for you to get any real work done while you're fighting the new machine.) I honestly thought that I'd finish the small top in John Flynn's wheel of mystery that day, but I'm still working on it six months later.

melissa said...

Im glad you guys had a fantastic time! i wish i had have been a fly on the wall. i already swear pretty good but im sure i could have learnt a few new words!

Dont give up on the fm quilting !

x

Nanci said...

Very hillarious! I'd be thinking that I'd better sit at the back of the class with you hoping we might get kicked out so that we'd keep talking!
I have a fancy "needle down" machine. I figure after 30 years of sewing with the original Janome, it was truly a treat to aquire. I think I save money on thread because these Janome babies come with self cutters too!
There's nothing like a bunch of women getting together. It's girl stuff that stays with the girls!

Elizabeth said...

Again, too hard on yourself. Give yourself a break. Your appliqué is really nice, especially for something you've never tried before. Loved reading about your adventures with Marg. I almost feel like I was there.

xo -E

Vesuviusmama said...

Hilarious post! I can relate on several points - the person in the class who is not following the rules and doing something COMPLETELY different than everyone else, the sense of amazement that you can produce ANYTHING with your machine after you see what else everyone else is "driving", etc. Thanks for sharing!

ANudge said...

ROTFL!!!