QIMP's Guide to Speaking Aussie
In the interests of making myself understood in my posts , I usually censor what I write. I try really hard not to use too many Australian-isms. However I did a post recently where clearly my “I must censor my Australian-ness” was turned off and judging by your comments it threw a bunch of you. And apparently Google doesn’t provide a translator function for “ Australian. “ Bummer. Are our languages really that different? I mean after all we’re all speaking English right?
Many of you will have learnt Aussie English from Crocodile Dundee, and Steve Irwin. A hot tip here , nobody I know runs around using phrases like “Crikey”, “Strewth” and “Thats not a knife – this is a knife “ in everyday conversation. And not many people wear those naff little leather vests and hats with crocodile teeth in them either (Aussie clothing is another post and I’m still working on that one ) Thinking all Australian's are represented by crocodile wranglers , real or fictional, is like us thinking you all live like The Sopranos (particularly if you live in New Jersey ) , or that all Americans talk in Gangsta rap and that your lives are like an episode of Eastenders.
Australians are a plain speaking people. Many of us don’t use two words where only one will do. We like to give people nicknames. If your name is David, Michael or Steven you’ll be known as Dav-o, Mick or Stev-o. Tracey will be Trace, Amanda will be Mandy, and Karen will be Kazza. That’s just the way this country rolls. When introduced to an Australian you’ll never know what their actual name is. Accept it – move on. Use the nickname. My husband had to use my real name when we got married to make it legal and I’d only heard him call me by my birth name twice before that. I’m sure he's still wondering exactly who he married.
We are really big on shortening words here. I think that’s because our country is so bloody hot most of the time the longer your mouth is open to speak, the faster you become dehydrated. Therefore ,university becomes uni. Service station becomes servo and afternoon becomes arvo. Yeah- basically we’re lazy and trying to conserve our saliva.
So if you'll throw another prawn on the barbie, and chuck me some cackleberries , I'll pull up a stump and do some translations for ya. Afterwards we'll go for a drive to the back of beyond and grab some moo juice.
On Common Household Items
Bogroll- toilet paper
Idiot box - television (because watching television turns you into an idiot)
All of the following terms are used to describe something that is a long way away, or in a very remote place, which in Australia is pretty much anywhere that isn't a capital city. Or somewhere that's further than 250 kilometres up the road.
Woop Woop , Beyond the black stump, Middle of nowhere , The Never Never
Scratchy - instant lottery ticket.
One armed bandit- slot machine (because they used to have one arm you pull to make it work and they steal your money)
Chook Raffle- Chook raffles are most often run in pubs, in the afternoon after work. For about a buck you get a ticket and you can win a chicken, or a meat tray or something you can take home to placate your wife. Along with your beer breath.
Wharfie - dock-worker.
Firie - member of the fire brigade.
Sparkie - electrician.
Postie - postman.
Dishpig - person that washes the dishes in a restaurant
Police Officer- Cop, and police station is known as the Copshop.
Garbo - garbage collector (They get paid very well in this country )
To insult somebody
Calling someone "About as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull " implies they are pretty much incompetent.
Fruit loop - someone who is thought to be not the full quid
He's a six pack short of a carton - used to brand someone crazy
He has kangaroos loose in the top paddock - as above
Not the full quid - means the person is stupid
Sandwich short of a picnic - crazy
Dag - a nerd (but usually said affectionately)
To be "up yourself" is to think you're better than you actually are.
If elastic was sense he wouldn’t have enough to make a budgies garter...he's stupid
Wow ! There are so many ways to insult people in Australia !
On Transport and Driving
Service Station- Gas station
Ute - The Australian version of a pickup truck
Shank's Pony - to walk somewhere
Pedal to the metal - driving fast
Prang - a vehicular accident
Prang - a vehicular accident
SUV - 4 wheel drives.
Chuck a u-ey- Turn around 180 degrees.
Yank tank - Large American car.
On drinking alcohol
Turps, hit the - go on a drinking binge.
Grog - booze, alcohol.
Blotto/Legless - very drunk.
Bottlo- the liquor shop
Beer O clock -in Australia it's always Beer O Clock !
To crack a tinnie- open a beer
On being sick /ill/hungover
Spewing - vomitting
Heave - to vomit.
Crook -To be sick (not necessarily alcohol related )
Chuck, chunder, spew , do a Technicolour yawn, upchuck or to drive the porcelain bus all indicate vomitting
Chuckin' a sickie - take a day off work (usually used when you pretend to be sick and do something pleasurable like go to the beach or the cricket for the day instead )
On illegal activity
Five-finger discount - shoplifting.
Shonky-dubious, or not the genuine article
Crook - slang for a criminal type or someone who duds you
Spewin' - very angry.
Dummy spit - to get very angry and lose it totally
Doing your block-Losing your cool.
Words the rest of the world thinks are swear words aren't swear words here. Seriously. None of the phrases below are swears here. Actually if I listed all the things that aren't swears here you'd probably fall asleep halfway through ...
Bloody Oath - I'm telling you the truth
Give it a rest - Shut up
Pig's arse! -: I don't agree with you
Piece of piss - an easy task.
To be Up shit creek without a paddle means you're having a problem or you're really stuck.
I hope you feel more confident about visiting our country now you know the lingo. Now, for practice I want you all to write a post using 10 Aussie words because it would be kinda cool not to run every single post you all write through Google Translator.
P.S. It took me about 45 minutes to spell check this post because Blogger didn't recognise about 90% of it....