A Modern Day Quilting Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, in a land far away  there was a fair princess who was having a baby boy.

The Queen (well,  if my daughter is a princess in this fairy tale, that makes me a Queen! )  on finally accepting then news she was to be a grandmother at such a tender age ( and while she was still a stone cold fox herself) decided to make the baby a special chenille quilt to commemorate his birth which was to be in July. "Plenty of time, after all it's only January  " thought the Queen and began ebaying in a land north of the equator because everyone knows the cutest chenille comes from the Americas, and the exchange rate for coin was at that time extremely favourable.

By March Queen Pyjamas had enough chenille and cut her squares for the babe's quilt. This was in the days before the purchase of a rotary cutter, one of those awesome see-through plastic ruler doo dads,  and a quilting mat and so she did this the old fashioned way with a plastic template , a pen and pair of  manky old scissors which did give her blisters. But persevere she did and eventually all the squares were cut out and ready to be sewn.

On the Easter weekend of 2009, Queen Pyjamas visited her parents for the celebration  and took her chenille squares and sewing machine with her. She did  diligently sew those squares into rows, while listening to the Queen Mother  give helpful and wise verbal  support commesurate with her age and experience,  like "Get that off my dining table", "Do we have to have chenille fluff EVERYWHERE" , and "Don't spread your crap all over the house .Why can't you ever contain yourself to one spot?"

 As everyone knows you must spread your sewing all over the house in order  to convince all of those present  at court that you are really busy and extremely talented. It was unfortunate the Queen Mother did not realise this, as it probably contributed to what happened  next.  

Alas, all did not go well with the sewing of the squares and it turned out that the rows did not match up in the way Q.P.  had originally envisaged. They were decidely askew. Discouraged, she contemplated unpicking the mistakes but settled for letting fly a few choice expletives, packing the wonky rows into plastic bags and vowing to kick that quilt top's arse another day. Then she went off to eat Easter eggs, and drink Japanese Slippers.

                                    

Time passed. July was rapidly approaching and so the Queen got out the squares to unpick those pesky rows and reconfigure the quilt in a more visually pleasing pattern. But Alas! Alack! Those squares had been double sewn because the Queen is a Virgo after all, and try as she might - the material would rip and fray but refused to be unpicked. After more swearing, the Queen packed the rows back into their plastic bag prisons, thinking "This child is being born in a place where the temperature never drops below 90 degrees. He won't need it straight away. I'll finish it in time for their visit in September to our cold climate and he will be glad of the quilt's warmth". By that stage, it sounded like a righteous plan because the Queen was utterly fed up with this quilt and was wishing she had never started it in the first place. "Why , oh why didnt I buy this baby some mass produced piece of crap and chuck it in a pretty bag instead?" she lamented.

The young prince is born in July and is christened Little Pyjamas.  The kingdom rejoices. He has the right number of fingers and toes and is pretty darn cute.

And so the quilt bits languish in plastic bags , in a secret spot, not in public view,  to be finished "one day" because sure as God made little green apples, it did not get finished in September. And in the meantime, the Queen got on with other things, and did not speak of the quilt to anyone until January 2010 when it made a sneaky appearance on the "Stuff I Started that May Never Get Finished " list on the sidebar on her blog.

Fast Forward to Easter Weekend 2010. The Queen is at home with the King, who is DIY-ing the laundry. (Yes. Still. No , I don't know if it will every be finished....Shhhhhh, I'm telling a story here ) The Queen has other projects on the boil, but today they hold no allure for her. She is bored, bored, bored.

The Queen has an epiphany. She  races to the secret spot,  grabs her pincushion , threads the machine and starts to pin and sew with vigour.  Two hours later ....

Once it's quilted, we'll live happily (and warmly) ever after.

And the Moral of the Story?  The Queen must be completely bored to contemplate finishing a UFO.

P.S. The  Queen Mother  reads my blog so I better confess she didn't say all those things , except for "Dont spread your crap all over the house", but I had to make someone be the wicked step mother or witch figure in the story. Every fairy tale has one and I felt my tale was lacking.  Sorry Mum and thanks for being my patsy.